DDs Episode 20 | Overcoming PPD: Destiny’s Triumph (Part 2)

0:11 SPEAKER_04: Hello, so we are back with part two of the Lindsay Clancy trial, and we're speaking on postpartum psychosis, and we have a lovely guest, Miss Destiny, and she is expanding on this with us and her life experience with it.

0:26 SPEAKER_03: Yes, yes. Welcome, Miss Destiny. Thank you guys so much for having me. I'm actually having a good time. I like this. Cool. We're glad to have you. Thank you. Thank you so much.

0:41 SPEAKER_01: So to recap, we were talking about the Lindsay um uh claim to be trial. And at this point, right now, while we're recording it, uh nothing is um in the court case has been you know, there's no final verdict or anything, but we met Destiny and she has actually personally dealt with postpartum depression, and so she's kind of has been giving us um her story. And I think like one of the things that's interesting is everybody has a story, maybe multiple stories of just different things in their life, right?

1:14 SPEAKER_01: So um, we invited Destiny on, and if you have a story that you want to tell, we'd love to have you on too.

1:22 SPEAKER_03: I think that would be a good t-shirt design that everybody has a story. I like that. That's a good quote.

1:26 SPEAKER_00: I like uh oh, destiny.

1:29 SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you're gonna see it.

1:31 SPEAKER_00: You're gonna see it. Yeah, we're gonna have to send you a t-shirt. Distracted divisions and put everybody has told me.

1:39 SPEAKER_02: Everybody has problems. Yes, that's what will happen.

1:42 SPEAKER_01: For sure. But thank you for joining us. Absolutely, I would love that.

1:46 SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I think maybe if I would remember that on daily, I think I probably wouldn't, you know, think of my many problems that I think are big, you know, but as everyone has a story, you know, remembering that like what I have going on right now isn't so bad, always, you know. Kind of also would tag into that every uh what do they say along the lines of like uh everything isn't green on the other side?

2:12 SPEAKER_03: Yes, that one too, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

2:15 SPEAKER_01: Well, um, I think you've been really brave. And if you didn't listen to last week's podcast, you probably need to go back and listen to that one. But we'll just kind of let Destiny give a little recap of some of the things that we talked about. But um anyway, uh I think you've been really brave to come on here and tell your life story and some of the things that you've been through. So if you want to kind of recap uh a little bit of what we talked about and then we'll go on from there.

2:40 SPEAKER_03: Okay. Um, I had talked about how I had gone through the postpartum depression. Um, I do have one child. He is 13 years old now. Um, and um I was basically talking about how I feel as if postpartum basically to me is very common, but it's the others, it's not. I think it's looked at kind of like a um unbelievable type situation, you know. Like uh I've even heard people say comments like, you know, there's women out there that can't have children. I'm like, I I do agree with you on that. So do not get me wrong, but then I also look at it like, but us women that do have the children, you know, we could be sad too.

3:25 SPEAKER_03: You know? We can be sad too. And um sometimes I think that um outside situations and environmental factors can fuel that as well. I do. But I feel like I had said last time talking to a friend of mine who had a daughter, you know, who had everything planned, baby shower, you know, gender veal party, everything until the child had arrived, and it was like she was like, Where did this come from? You know, these feelings come from, you know, he was planned, we're supposed to have the baby. Why am I looking at it like this, you know?

4:00 SPEAKER_03: And then you're afraid to speak about it. So I would always key on that too.

4:05 SPEAKER_04: As this case goes on with the Lindsay Clancy, we also are have yet to see um if or if not her husband had any parts of this, because it's all about support and who's around you as well. We don't know how he played in this uh whole thing to to maybe maybe drive her to what happened, or or you know, if if if any if if he did at all have any parts in it. So that is yet to come. But postpartum um is a big thing, as I shared earlier. Um, I had some of it, and and it don't matter if you're with someone or without someone, you could be alone, you could feel alone, even with a thousand people around you.

4:46 SPEAKER_04: So it it boils down to like the real support and and who you have around and being not everyone is mentally strong, you know.

4:57 SPEAKER_03: I would also say I kind of was talking about this with my uh fiance the other night about what you said about the the husband and the father of the children. I also do feel like this. I feel as if like I feel like we always try to always want to blame it on the men in the real in the relationship is what we do. Because I, you know, you know, the quote, the motherly instinct. You know, it's like how could we? But it was like some days looking back at my situation, you know, my son many a days may have been better off taking care of with his dad than I could prepare or provide for him in them moments.

5:32 SPEAKER_03: You know, I do. I feel as if um some as like I don't know. I think we they think as women, you know, we shouldn't feel this way. You shouldn't look at your kids like that. You should want to be like this, you know. We just belong home with the kids and all that.

5:46 SPEAKER_00: But like you said, you're thinking your son may have been better off with his father, but you don't know how his wife felt. He may not have been better off with his father. He could. He no, he was. But did they did he live with his father?

6:06 SPEAKER_03: Yeah, he was, yeah, he was definitely how I was saying how I when I when I got him back when he was seven. Because from them ages of about when he left me, about 15 for 16 months, he was with his dad and his stepmom from then until the age of four until his dad. So you had him from the moment he was born until what 16 months? About 16, 15, 16 months old, yes. And then that's when my mom had put me out, and he was sent with his dad and his stepmom.

6:32 SPEAKER_01: Did you willingly give him up or was he taking from me?

6:35 SPEAKER_03: No, I've never had courts involved. There's a process to that. Yeah, no, I never. I never had courts involved with his father.

6:42 SPEAKER_01: Okay, so 16 months he went and lived with his father.

6:44 SPEAKER_03: Besides a DNA test. He did do a DNA test, that's the only courts.

6:48 SPEAKER_01: So yeah. So at 16 months he went and lived with his biological father. Father, yes.

6:54 SPEAKER_03: Okay, and he said until he was seven. Until he was four. Dad got locked.

6:59 SPEAKER_00: How did he tell you he was treated as an outside child? How did he tell you he was treated there?

7:09 SPEAKER_03: He honestly, when his father was incarcerated at the age of four, and he went with his dad's sister from four till seven, came out with me. He has always spoken about lived better with his father and his stepmom than the aunt. Um, him and his dad today, many people don't understand that. I'm not gonna disclose his father's story, right? But you know, many people today question me how I let my son still speak to his father because you know, I say like I don't like his dad as a person, but as a father, like I think my son would have been, he loves his dad, he does, you know, and he was he was really well with them.

7:46 SPEAKER_03: He still calls her stepmom, stepmom.

7:48 SPEAKER_00: Well, that means he had a great to me as a as a um as a woman who was divorced and had children, um, and they talk about their stepmother. To me, that means he had a good relationship with his stepmom. She he does. That means she too. I do too. She didn't blame him. She did the right thing. She didn't blame him. Yes. She blamed her husband. She didn't blame the child. So that's to me, that's good. She is, she's a great woman.

8:14 SPEAKER_03: She like she is the father. I mean, she's the mother of Jackson's two sisters and brother. They have a great relationship. Jackson was just playing on his Xbox with his younger brother. They live with their mom, stepmom, and Coatesville. Me and Jackson are here in Philadelphia, you know, but she's a good one. It takes a little bit. Yeah, and she's very like disciplined. She is also a retired Marine. She's very like that booth. I I talk longer with her than anybody, honestly. I do. We talk for a long time.

8:44 SPEAKER_00: So you have a relationship with the stepmom.

8:46 SPEAKER_03: Yes, with her. That's her too.

8:48 SPEAKER_00: Fantastic for the child. That's fantastic. Yeah. That's fantastic. She was a key part.

8:54 SPEAKER_03: She was a key part in a lot of stuff with my son. It does with the village. It's a village.

8:59 SPEAKER_02: And she helped keep the village.

9:00 SPEAKER_00: But you have to be willing. Village has to be willing.

9:03 SPEAKER_03: Yes.

9:04 SPEAKER_00: So the village was willing, so that's good.

9:06 SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah. She helped. She took on that motherly role, you know. And even like, you know, one part I always recognize is, you know, when Jackson was younger, called her mom. You know, she didn't stop him, but she let him know, like, I think she was calling him like uh mom Lauren, or her name is Lauren, you know, but she always made sure Jackson knew that I was his mom.

9:26 SPEAKER_00: I wasn't out of the completely, you know, but she didn't ever try to she wanted to help value your role as a mother. So she wanted you the thing that you're probably not understanding, or you might have understood. She did back in the day. She wanted you to get better, so you could take your time. She didn't try to sabotage you, so that's good. Yeah, I have always wonderful. I I need kudos because longer than she needs kudos.

9:55 SPEAKER_03: Yeah, she does. I trust me. Anytime I um Jackson's my son acts up in school, it does me. She called I call her, she calls Jack on her phone. She was there for about two weeks.

10:07 SPEAKER_00: Do you know how amazing that is? Do you know how people that realize that people you she could be mad at you because you because her husband spent 10 seconds with you.

10:24 SPEAKER_03: But she never she's a good woman. She is a woman.

10:30 SPEAKER_04: She's a good woman and she's about women because she saw what the real issue was, but it wasn't you. And she she took that and went with it. And she even helped you along the way.

10:42 SPEAKER_00: We're talking her virtually right now because kudos to her.

10:46 SPEAKER_03: She's also really big on my son keeping in with his siblings too, you know, something with him being an only child here. I think the one day my son, one of his friends on the thing called his brother, he said, Your half brother. And my son was like, That's not my half brother. You know, that's my brother. Like, because my son they play together on the game.

11:03 SPEAKER_00: There you go. Let's get back into the questions that Becky asked. Let's get back into that question that Becky asked as far as um your mental state. So now we're at the we're at the your son was living with his dad. He's not with his dad now. He after after he was what's how old was he when he went came back to you? Seven. So he's seven. Now he's back with you. How is your mental state now? We're giving kudos to the stepmom. Kudos to the stepmom. How is your mental state now at seven? With the seven?

11:39 SPEAKER_00: Well, at seven. No, your son at seven years old. He's back with you now. Where are you? Where are you in life and what's going on inside of you?

11:48 SPEAKER_03: I was in a recovery transitional house. Um, I was still in the Phil City of Philadelphia uh in my recovery. Um, I got him back overnight pretty much after not having him for seven years. His aunt he was living with, which is his dad's sister, called me one night. My son had gotten trouble in school and she didn't want to take care of him. Said it was a lot. Um he was calling embarrassing. And um, and the first time in seven years.

12:17 SPEAKER_00: Hold on, hold on. I'm sorry to keep interjecting. But the way you said that, you were mad at her, but you can't be mad at someone who doesn't have two who can't take on that you can't.

12:30 SPEAKER_03: No, I said I wasn't when I did I say I was mad. I'm not sure. No, no, no, you didn't. No, no, no, you didn't. Not at all, not at all.

12:37 SPEAKER_01: No, I took it as you said that she said that he was embarrassing. Right.

12:42 SPEAKER_03: She said my son was embarrassed. She said that about my son, right? Right embarrassing, because he got in trouble at school. Right, exactly. It had nothing to do with yes, right. Yeah, yeah, and then um uh the first time in seven years my son was gone for me, though. He got on the phone and begged me. Yeah, and I was like that you can think it back to that phone call. You know, he did. He said, Mom, I want to be with you. Please come get me. That's what I'm saying. Oh, yeah.

13:10 SPEAKER_03: It was, but honestly, it scared me too, though, because I wasn't ready to get him back. I was still in a transitional house. I had no proper housing for the both of us, but I dropped everything and that next morning packed up what I could in a backpack, got on the train, and got my son back.

13:28 SPEAKER_00: But what did you do to prepare for him to come back? You still have to have me.

13:34 SPEAKER_03: It was with it was like overnight. I didn't I didn't even happen like that. I woke up the next morning, God. Mona.

13:42 SPEAKER_01: So do you think that your son has was like maybe the catalyst to help you find a purpose in life? Absolutely. And he still was not to the death. Like that was your like even though you were scared to death at when at when he was seven years old, like was that like that kind of like aha moment? Like it's time to to get this together and and you know, make this all right?

14:09 SPEAKER_03: It was, and um, it kind of got to that moment I thought to myself, I was like, you know, um you keep crying every time you have to leave him for a weekend, so it was like you won't have to do that anymore. You know, like it's you everything you wanted is here. You're gonna take it or you're not, you know, like I didn't know what I was gonna do, but I was like, I I don't want to have to keep handing him over to somebody anymore.

14:36 SPEAKER_00: So got him down. As mothers, we feel you. As mothers, we feel you, whether it's daycare, doctors, cousins, aunts, uncles, sisters, grandmothers, well, not really grandmothers. We kind of we're kind of glad to hang on hand them over to grandmothers.

14:52 SPEAKER_03: Because as he was getting older, like when I would leave my mom's on the weekends with him, you know, he started to ask questions. He was asking, you know, mom, like why don't I come home with you? You know, why can't I come with you?

15:03 SPEAKER_00: Well, that's because of the trauma of him being with other people. But he had to learn that I'm gonna be here, you can do it, I'm gonna be here tomorrow to get you or the next day to get you.

15:16 SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so that's all um we can kind of maybe a little fast forward. I guess you said that you were obviously in a narcotics um uh addiction program, and you're awesomely sober for four years now. Yes, I am so this is like a really uh a long tail of um you know triumph. Really, just keep keep showing up, you know? Like even when you're at your lowest. Yeah, and you it sounds like you have been at your lowest, yeah. And so I think it that you have a wonderful success story for people to resonate with.

16:04 SPEAKER_01: Thank you.

16:05 SPEAKER_03: I think that um saying my mom, I've always heard it, never really understood it, honestly, until I'd have to say recently that you know, what they say about the children, they didn't have to be here. Right. I didn't understand that. No, I didn't get it. But hearing it and understanding it and going through what I went through kind of showed me that like he didn't ask to be here, but he is. And it's like he looks up to me, and I have I have to be that example, you know. I kind of, you know, I have to be the person my son maybe as he looks for a woman when he gets older.

16:39 SPEAKER_03: He wants a woman, but you know, as as I carry myself and you know, stuff like that. I gotta get better with my cousin sometimes because he's you know, my son he's gotten to this thing now, he pinches my arm every time. My cousin like Jackson, but but it's like, you know, it's just and nine times out of ten, yeah, it's us.

16:58 SPEAKER_04: We should we show up no matter what, mothers versus fathers, we show up more. You know, as mothers, we carry a huge load. We we we carry our own emotions, we carry our kids' feelings and emotions. We also got to deal with our day-to-day tasks and keep our emotions good, look pretty, do this, try to have all that and still not go crazy. Yeah, but then you're dealing with a teenager on the back for everything.

17:27 SPEAKER_00: But then she's dealing with a teenager with emotions and she has past, she has past things that are embedded that she has to deal with. So she has to really also deal with teenagers have emotions, and you're like, what the hell wrong with you today?

17:51 SPEAKER_03: Yes.

17:52 SPEAKER_00: I just try to joke about everything with teenagers because sometimes like I'm serious. I'm a grandma, and I and I and I'm never really serious with them ever. Like for real. I'll call Adriana Vanessa, I'll call Vanessa Adriana, I'll call Adriana Tyler, I'll call Vanessa Shelby, and they're like grandma, Vanessa, and I'm like, okay, Shelby, it's like grandma. Like, so I feel like if you interject jokes in whatever they're doing, they'll look at you first. The first when you first start doing, they'll look at you like, what the what the hell is wrong with her today?

18:28 SPEAKER_00: But if you keep on doing it, they'll get used to it, and then they'll try to do the same thing to you when they feel like you're down. Yep. They're like, okay, mommy's down, let's just do something, let's say something.

18:39 SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I you know, I call my son my cat's name a couple of times to do what I do, I mess up the cat.

18:45 SPEAKER_00: Awesome.

18:46 SPEAKER_03: But you know, my son, he is like that, and I do tell a lot of people that, like me and my son's relationship, maybe because it is just me and him, you know, and um it is I I'm pretty sold on that, honestly.

18:58 SPEAKER_00: I I'm I'm okay with this right now. What you just said because that's solidifies. What you just said, you're sold on it. That solidifies your how you are with him today. Yeah. I'm sold on it.

19:12 SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and I I and even bringing back to like honestly, the topic we were talking about the postpartum. I I tell people that too when I ask why I don't have more children. You know, I'm like, I'm afraid to go through that again. I am, I am afraid to go through it again.

19:24 SPEAKER_00: I mean you don't elaborate on that, but we want you to elaborate on that. Elaborate on you're afraid to go through that.

19:30 SPEAKER_03: I have been told by people, you know, I've heard every pregnancy is different. Yes, you know, some people do say that. I've thought to myself, okay, so what if it gets worse? You know, I have and that postponement gets worse. And it was a it was it's not somewhere I want to go again.

19:48 SPEAKER_00: Even if I had a tell me, tell us why you don't want to go through that again. You don't have to, you don't have to do deep. Yeah, yeah.

19:55 SPEAKER_03: I got you, I got you.

19:56 SPEAKER_00: You can tell us why you don't what how you felt in the beginning, in the middle, and at the end of it. Because it's never at the end, but you know, yeah, it's not, you're right about that.

20:05 SPEAKER_03: And you know, I wish I really remembered that part too. I do. Because in the beginning, I felt I don't even think scared. I think the word scared would be an understatement or more confused, honestly. Mix of both, yeah. That makes sense. Confused makes makes sense. Middle, I probably have to shame. Shame is a big one because I especially as they get they age a little more, three or four months. I'm like, okay, this should be over with, you know. Then I cry as much as they did at two weeks old, you know, all that type of stuff.

20:35 SPEAKER_03: But by the end, I was like, I did it, you know? Like, I I I I actually got through that type of thing, you know.

20:42 SPEAKER_01: So how long um would you say it lasted for you?

20:47 SPEAKER_03: What would you think? Probably close to maybe a couple months before one. Nine, eight, nine months. Started to fade out. I I think it was as he became more not like dependent as much, but it wasn't as much work as when he was only a couple weeks compared to like nine, eight, nine months old. It wasn't as much work.

21:07 SPEAKER_01: Did you have any treatment or anything? Or did or was it just a realization that those feelings weren't there anymore?

21:13 SPEAKER_03: No, I I did have my treatment. I that by that point in my life, me and my son were back in a um, I had gone to an the uh impatient mother and me program as well.

21:24 SPEAKER_00: Um you say treatment, what treatment you have to elaborate a little bit more on treatment. You have to elaborate just a little bit more on treatment. Like, did they give you anything? Did you have to go to counseling? Did you have to do tell us a little bit more about treatment? Okay.

21:39 SPEAKER_03: So my impatient mommy and me completely program. I went the one I went to. Oh, it it was like a long term, you know. It was like it wasn't like I the program I went to was inpatient. You lived there. We were it was a Caudencia program, and you live in the building, you know. There's like me and like 10 other moms. With their kids and you're there from like once and sometimes eight or nine months. You know, like it's like an inpatient, it's not even one of those places like you don't leave during the day.

22:10 SPEAKER_03: Like you're in their building all day. They have like the playground out back, they had like the daycare and all that stuff. But while the kids are at daycare during the day, you're in groups and you're in your sessions and NA meetings and all of that type stuff, you know. So honestly, even being in that type of environment helped me because I wasn't.

22:30 SPEAKER_00: Hold on, I have a question. When you said you you you snuck in there, AA, is there someone else there to help you care for the child while you're going through your treatment? Yes. Yes, yes. So amazing. Okay.

22:44 SPEAKER_03: Yeah, depending on age, um, infancy, not infancy, let's say like younger. I don't think they had any like weak old babies. I don't think you could do that. But anywhere from like three to like maybe just between two bigger, yeah. They were in daycare. And then, but then there were school-age kids, you know, who went to the school, the local public school of the streets that okay. So when they were at school, you were in treatment. Yes. Well, my son, yeah, my son was in the daycare. You would come get the ones in the daycare at lunchtime when we had our lunch, we'd go get our kids, and then you came back to daycare at about three o'clock in the eat afternoon.

23:19 SPEAKER_03: You know, you pick them up for the end of the day, you go back to your rooms, you have the dinner showers, they had the TV room. You had you had free time pretty much by then. So oh, very good. I love that they have all these resources. Yes, yes, it was in Philadelphia. Yeah, yes.

23:34 SPEAKER_00: There was actually a lot we uh we all have questions is how did you get in touch with that facility to help you?

23:42 SPEAKER_03: Well, I got in touch with that facility when I went into rehab solely. I did not have Jackson back. Like I went for like a 30-day, I think it was like a 30 day.

23:53 SPEAKER_00: Okay, well, I wait. In the middle of your 30-day treatment, did someone come and talk to you and say, Do you want your child back? Yes, you want your child back, this is what you have to do.

24:02 SPEAKER_03: What's yes, they would have did that, but I think I even emphasize, I didn't emphasize that self, but they definitely do offer you that type of stuff, you know. They will ask you, and everyone, depending on what type of walk of life you come from. I know like the one girl I was a roommate with, she was like in her 50s or 60s or streets, and she was talking about your no no, no, I'm saying because like she they had those types of research, like she went somewhere. It's different for different people, yeah.

24:29 SPEAKER_03: Yeah, like it's all different walks of life. It's the helpful.

24:31 SPEAKER_01: Somebody 50 years old had a child, that's crazy as hell. Excuse me. No, no, but it's true that no look there may be a listener out there who may not be wanting to find this type of information, and maybe this is the first we're hearing of it. So yeah, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

24:49 SPEAKER_03: I will say that. I mean, like honestly, I found a lot more help, honestly, even coming to Philadelphia because from my town of small.

24:56 SPEAKER_04: You have to go to a bigger I had to go to the city where more resources are available, yes, and they're there, they're there. I wish somebody worked on that because sometimes people in smaller towns don't have that access.

25:07 SPEAKER_03: Yes, they don't. They don't. And I went from a I went from my town is like so small, it's considered like a borough. Like it is so small, and it's the type of place we had one NA meeting a week in that town compared to I come to Fort Philadelphia and I got I can't even tell you how it's an NA. What's NA mean? What does it mean? Narcotics Anonymous. Oh yeah, I wasn't I wasn't alcoholics, I was narcotics. Yeah, I wasn't yeah, I was an NA. I just wanted to for the people who are saying, what is NO?

25:34 SPEAKER_03: Oh, yes, I'm sorry, yes, narcotics.

25:36 SPEAKER_00: I just wanted to find them know what it was for. You're strong as hell, as uh I gotta tell you that.

25:43 SPEAKER_04: I guess can you pick that up top still and you're just living right now and getting on your way? That is so I am I'm gonna be.

25:49 SPEAKER_00: You can hang out with us anytime. I love that.

25:53 SPEAKER_03: Like I had told uh Miss Diva Mona, I do I I have found myself gravitating towards older women simply because of the fact that like I say like this.

26:03 SPEAKER_00: We're not all I'm 25. Wait a minute, hold on. We I'm 25 now. She's kidding.

26:10 SPEAKER_03: But yeah, I do say that I say it's because it's like I'm like, whatever life experiences, like you guys may have gone, I'm headed towards it next, and I need all of this help and suggestion. Help me now. Like, you know, like I do, I I and I'm not afraid now.

26:26 SPEAKER_00: So if you listen to our podcast, we will help you, Jesus. Yeah, we will help you. And we all have different opinions on stuff. Mona's opinion might be different than Becky's, and Becky's might be different than mine because we've got three different ages, and they're it's like 10 years plus apart.

26:43 SPEAKER_04: You're actually one it's like doing levels, and you're like one before me, and then it would be uh Mona and then Pam, or vice versa.

26:52 SPEAKER_00: Wait a minute, I'm 25.

26:54 SPEAKER_01: So it's like um to that point, like part of like us doing this podcast is like I said, we do it because yes, we'd love for it to take off, but also because we enjoy doing it, we enjoy getting together and chatting and talking to people and meeting new people.

27:22 SPEAKER_01: Like this, like we are all about lifting each other up and like no shame and telling your life story or whatever. Like like we're here to support other women, other men, other people whoever wants to join this group of people who just want to get together and chat and talk about real life stuff, you know. Maybe by doing that, maybe you help somebody. So if you help one person, to me, it's worth it.

27:52 SPEAKER_00: So, Destiny, what you don't know, and what I've been trying not to share yet, because I don't want them to throw darts at me, but I'm gonna I I have adopted children as well, so I'm gonna leave it at that. Because they keep wanting me to do it, them too. But um I but I have too, so but I have them at birth. So I I understand when I ask you questions geared toward that. My questions are because I've experienced stuff because of that. And some of the stuff that you said is is um is is uh inbred or birthright or you got it from your parents.

28:34 SPEAKER_00: That's not always true. That's not always true. It's some of it, some of it can be, right? They can have traits of that, but when you're raised by a different set of characters that your birth parents may have been, you may, you may have paquito, unbaquito of it, but you won't have a full-blown of it because you're not around that person who has that. So you may your your your the parents who adopted you may not have any of those traits, and you may have those traits, but they are all taught and learned in everything because before they adopt you, they have to go through classes, so they have to learn different behaviors, and they have to tell the therapist, the people, everybody, she's exhibiting this.

29:24 SPEAKER_00: What do I do? Because you have to have help with that. If we all think we're strong enough to do everything, I feel like I don't care what it is. If you spit on the floor and you know that shit ain't right, you have to say she spit on the floor. Because to spit on the floor could be peeing in the vent, which is real, and I'm not trying to I'm not trying to uh make light of it. That's real. And then why are they peeing in the vent? So that to me means there's something there that needs help. And not saying anything about your brother, your your adoptive mom because kudos forever and ever and ever and ever, there's some things that they just don't teach us that we don't know, that we we could probably help you with that we just don't know.

30:18 SPEAKER_03: Right. And I will say, I my parents that raised me, uh you know, when you asked about my adopted, if I know my biological father, people to this day will tell me if me and my dad that raised me or together, how much we look like, you know, me and my dad are long enough. Yeah, look, that's my dad is my best. I love my dad, and I love my mom too, but it's like I have different relationships with both of them, you know. My dad has always been like the the cooler laid back, and my mom was the you know the tougher one on all.

30:47 SPEAKER_00: So, what I want to interject with you is being an adoptive mother, because I was a doc I was a foster parent for over 30, 40 kids, and an adoptive mother to I don't want to tell. But anyway, the girls, we want to punch on your nose that don't even love you, but y'all can't stand us, and y'all love the daddy. The daddy can't do no name at wrong. We like motherfucking date, motherfucking daddy, put a band-aid on you. When you get sick, the first thing you do is you run to me, I put a band-aid, then you go to daddy.

31:19 SPEAKER_00: If you want some food, you run to me, I'll feed you, then you run to daddy. So we just are y'all help us, and there you are. You can do whatever you want.

31:29 SPEAKER_03: I'm sorry. I'm listening to you guys. My I got my little man right here trying to find the cutting board to cut border. Hi, little man. Hi, little man. So hi. You say hi. Jackson, you have three ladies that are saying. Hi, Jackson!

31:45 unknown: Hi.

31:46 SPEAKER_04: Hello.

31:49 SPEAKER_00: Hi, Jackson.

31:52 SPEAKER_03: So yeah, I don't know. So just what you need to do is go to your your is your mom still here? Uh, which one? My mom that raised me?

32:00 unknown: Yeah.

32:00 SPEAKER_03: Or my biological mother. No, you know, my mom, yes, she is, yes, yes.

32:05 SPEAKER_00: You need to go hug her and say, I love you. Period. Yes. Yeah. Don't even give her, just say because I do. If she says, Why are you saying that? Because we're gonna say that, what are you saying that? Yeah, just say because I do.

32:16 SPEAKER_03: Yes, yes, I will do that.

32:18 SPEAKER_00: You gotta tell her that you appreciate her and all that. Yes, you don't have to give her any any specific reason because we appreciate that. Because sometimes we feel like everything I did don't work.

32:37 SPEAKER_01: We're gonna get Pam back on track. Oh, yeah, sorry. Okay, well I'm back. Miss Um Destiny. Again, I want to tell Destiny thank you for coming. Yes, thank you, thank you guys. Yes, Destiny. You're a super brave woman to talk about what you've been through. And I hope that your story helps at least, like I said, at least one person.

33:01 SPEAKER_04: If it helps me for the thing, we are so glad, and we celebrate your milestones and how far you and your son have gotten with all these trials that were thrown your way. You're doing amazing and you're gonna keep getting stronger. And I I hope it, like she said, it touches many people and and it guides them through their own path.

33:22 SPEAKER_00: And when you're ready to move on to the next um side of your story, meaning the addiction side, we are here for you. That is the one I do speak about a lot. There's so many people that have had addiction problems and they're just not willing to admit it.

33:38 SPEAKER_04: And she is sober, she is sober, not yes, that's true. How many years?

33:43 SPEAKER_03: I have four. Well, I thought I will say they do say sober is like AA and and clean. I do have four years clean. There you go. Four years clean.

33:52 SPEAKER_00: It doesn't matter if you're two minutes, it's good. Yes, yes, I don't think keep it up. You have something to look forward to because Jackson is gonna have a family and you're gonna be a grandma soon. Not soon, but not soon, no, not soon.

34:08 SPEAKER_02: But he has a girlfriend, I'm okay. A very long time from now.

34:14 SPEAKER_03: Yes, very long time, like 10 years from now, maybe 12. I'm thinking like maybe like college, 20, graduate college afterwards.

34:21 SPEAKER_04: Maybe like soon, maybe like everything out of the way, and then yes, yes.

34:29 SPEAKER_03: Thank you guys so much for having me on here. Seriously.

34:32 SPEAKER_00: I like we thank you for being on here and sharing your story with America because you're sharing your story with America, and to me, that's healing for you and everyone else.

34:46 SPEAKER_01: We have people watch us in Europe, and I think didn't we have somebody in China one time?

34:51 SPEAKER_05: Yes, over.

34:52 SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we're all by, baby.

34:54 SPEAKER_03: Yeah, that's cool. Yeah, and it's funny because when I did come in the house and the first person I told was my son about this, and I said see, I said it's we talking too much, does pay off, huh? You know? So yeah. Well, you look amazing, you look amazing. You look amazing. I had really fun with you guys, you guys are a lot of fun too. Awesome.

35:16 SPEAKER_00: Okay, thank you guys. Make sure you share and make sure you show your friends, you comment. Okay, we will let you know when you're on. Yes, sir. Oh, okay. Thank you guys. Thank you so much.

35:27 SPEAKER_03: I feel like I made three new friends. I really do.

35:30 SPEAKER_00: I fly into Philly all the time. So I need you to I need you to put some information on D.Va Pam's um information. So if I'm flying it in into Philly and I'm out and about, and I might want to come give you a hug, and I'll take I can't even visit Destiny, so you need to give me your information because I literally fly into Philly a lot because I go to Jersey a lot. I need you to give me your information. I will, I definitely will. I will come and take a selfie with you for sure. Okay, or if you come to Florida.

36:02 SPEAKER_03: I will one day that one day too.

36:06 SPEAKER_00: I will drive to where you are and be like, Diva, look, yes, Diva, and I will bring you a t-shirt. Yes, I will bring a shirt. Listen, I will bring you I will bring you a t-shirt.

36:17 SPEAKER_03: Let's try it out.

36:18 SPEAKER_00: Okay, okay, okay.

36:20 SPEAKER_03: Nice meeting you. Bye, guys.

36:26 SPEAKER_02: Thanks for listening. Bye.