DDs: Episode 21 Girl Dinner Diaries: Secret Girlfriends, Ultimatums, and Fine Wine

0:10 SPEAKER_01: Hello, welcome to Distracted Divas. Welcome, welcome. Thanks for joining us. And today we're gonna say R.I.P. to our great Dolly Parton. She has departed us. She will be missed dearly.

0:22 SPEAKER_00: For sure. For sure. Absolutely. Wonderful woman. Wonderful, wonderful woman.

0:27 SPEAKER_02: Very sad news.

0:29 SPEAKER_00: Yes.

0:30 SPEAKER_02: I was um I was reading some comments about Dolly passing and how like it's like so sad because she was like a light, you know, in society and stuff when a lot of things have been have been so dark and whatnot. And then um somebody made a comment about like, yeah, but that's just means that it's like the torch has been passed to us and we have to be that light. Yes. So wow, that's absolutely I thought that was a great way to look at it. Like that's like we gotta we gotta keep it going because we all uh everybody who loved Dolly loved her for what a wonderful person she was.

1:04 SPEAKER_02: She's a chance. I mean, she was amazing. Yeah, she was amazing.

1:07 SPEAKER_00: Absolutely, absolutely. Every time you saw her, you smiled.

1:10 SPEAKER_02: Very true. And she was hilarious, too. She joked and you know, she was so funny.

1:15 SPEAKER_01: She was funny, straightforward, everything. She was everything.

1:18 SPEAKER_02: Yep, classy. Oh, yeah. I was even seeing like a clip about how she was like, I think it might have been with Johnny Carson or something. I don't remember who she was talking to, but she was saying that she like um would go to bed like fully dressed with her makeup and everything. Because what if the fire caught her house? She wouldn't want to be caught outside on campus. That is hilarious. In her pajamas, looking at that. Oh that's so cute. Yeah. So and she supposedly has put it in a time capsule a new song that will be released when she turns a hundred, where she was supposed to turn a hundred.

1:55 SPEAKER_02: So there'll be a new song out in 2020.

1:57 SPEAKER_01: I hope they released it before because my goodness.

2:00 SPEAKER_02: No, she has it. She put it in a a time capsule and is instructed for it. Imagine. I know, but she she instructed for it not to be released until she might not even be here. Well, it's okay.

2:12 SPEAKER_00: So the kids who don't really know her will get a chance to know her. That's okay. That's okay. Because we have that we have the opportunity to tell our kids and grandkids about her, especially our grandkids, because they're like one between one and 13, 14. So we have a chance to tell them about her. And then by the time her her song comes out, 100 years, well, when she turns 100, they'll they'll say, Oh, I remember my mom talking about or my grandma talking about this woman. And they'll see how wonderful she is.

2:43 SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah. Actually, she's got a bunch of things coming out. If you look it up, she's got like a coffee line coming out. There's a bunch of things that she was working on.

2:50 SPEAKER_01: Yeah, she opened it at the Texan at the big Texan uh truck stop that I'm dying to go visit.

2:57 SPEAKER_02: Oh, the Tennessee. Yes, Tennessee. Yeah, I went there. Yeah, I posted a thing on our um coffee's there.

3:04 SPEAKER_01: Uh uh, a cup of uh whatever courage.

3:08 SPEAKER_02: Yeah. Cup of ambition. Cup of ambition. Pour yourself a cup of ambition.

3:15 SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you just a wonderful person.

3:17 SPEAKER_02: A cup of courage some days, right? Yeah, yes, it is. Yes, it is.

3:21 SPEAKER_00: She really is just a wonderful person all around. So yeah. I mean, for every there's no anybody who didn't like her, then you had issues yourself. Yes, nothing to do with that. You had your own personal issues.

3:33 SPEAKER_01: And there is those that are bashing her now that she's gone. Yes.

3:36 SPEAKER_00: There is a few.

3:38 SPEAKER_01: Yeah.

3:40 SPEAKER_00: I never heard of haters. Haters make you famous. That's true. I never heard of baby.

3:46 SPEAKER_01: You're doing something wrong.

3:47 SPEAKER_00: Yeah. Well you say this because I'm pretty sure people don't like what the hell I say sometimes. I'm pretty sure of that.

3:57 SPEAKER_02: Well, uh, speaking of coffee and stuff, I thought we'd like talk today about um a Reddit, subreddit called uh Our Girl Dinner Diaries. And what got me thinking about it was um uh so basically what people do is they post a picture of what they're eating and then they kind of talk about something or ask for advice or whatever the situation may be. So um what made me think of it was of course I've heard it on other podcasts of stuff, but last night I was on my way home from work and I was starving and I just ran through a wendy's.

4:31 SPEAKER_02: Well, what are you gonna do? Pam don't like fast food, but you know, I'm I'm not a culinary genius like her.

4:38 SPEAKER_00: So you're close though. You're close.

4:42 SPEAKER_02: When I want to, when I want to. But um, so I just got like some fries and a four-piece nugget and a burger. And you know, eat my fries first because you don't want you to eat cold fries. Right. And then I ate the nuggets. I do the biggest well, I would have, but it was late. It was kind of it was like 9 30, 10 o'clock at night. You get the burnt potatoes at that time. But um, yeah, so and then um um I went to eat the burger and I bit into the burger and I looked at it and it was pink inside.

5:16 SPEAKER_00: Oh yummy. Look, oh yummy.

5:18 SPEAKER_02: Needless say, spit it out, threw it away, didn't eat it. And that was far from the windy, so I wasn't gonna do it. What did he do better? Well, I'm sure, you know, I'm sure it was just uh no windies. It's just make sure you look at your food when you're eating it, you know. Yeah, yeah.

5:37 SPEAKER_01: I can never open it. I need to do it.

5:41 SPEAKER_02: I thought, well, the positive is that means that they're not like just cooking frozen burgers, right? Because they would have already been cooked all the way through. Yeah. They're cooking from like fresh meat.

5:50 SPEAKER_01: That's supposed to be on a timer though. Oh well.

5:53 SPEAKER_02: Anyway, Wendy's do that. Disgusting. It was disgusting.

5:57 SPEAKER_01: But I didn't think slime at his finest.

6:01 SPEAKER_00: What'd you say? Pink slime at his finest. But you know, a lot of people like um rare, medium rare burgers. I do. If it's a fresh burger, right? I like medium rare. Yeah, not from not at all. No, but I wouldn't eat there anyway through. Like I wouldn't eat there any damn way.

6:20 SPEAKER_02: Yeah. All right. All right. So what I thought I'd do is um when we're editing this podcast, I'll take a picture of the food and put it up on the podcast too. So if you're watching it, you can um see, because in the Reddit post that we're reading, they're obviously gonna be posting a picture, but we'll just have to describe what it is. Oh good. So the first the first one we're gonna read from the R um Girl Dinner Diaries is uh um it says, Do I tell his girlfriend? And she's posted a picture of it appears to be a Caesar salad with the dressing on the side in a like to-go container.

6:59 SPEAKER_02: So obviously her food was to go also. Um, but it's called Do I Tell His Girlfriend? So I've been seeing a guy, let's call him Joe, for over a year now. It was uh romantic in the beginning, but we are not fundamentally compatible, so it basically devolved into a friends with benefits um because we enjoy each other in that aspect. We are both in our late 20s and see each other consistently. A few months ago, Joe temporarily moved a few hours away. In July, Joe calls me and asks me to come stay with him for a few days and is willing to pay my expenses to do so.

7:36 SPEAKER_02: I initially agree to come because he sound he sounded excited to see me and said he wanted to take me out to do fun stuff. A day later, he suddenly gets unsure about the timeline, says his family is coming to visit and isn't sure what day they will be there. This set my intuition off, and I texted him to tell him I'm not coming anymore. He immediately called me and asked um if there was anything he could do to change my mind, and he was really looking forward to seeing me. I said no, and that was that.

8:07 SPEAKER_02: A couple weeks later he calls me while I am out in the country and is asking me when I will be back. Yesterday I decided to snoop on his Instagram and find a girl in his comments. They are clearly dating, saying I love use to each other, and she has posted him on her account. All the while he has been attempting to see me. I could tell from the posts that she was going to be there the week he asked me to visit. I'm really conflicted as to whether I should tell her or just cut him off for good. And then she says salad, because it's girl in her diary, so she's mentioning what she ate.

8:42 SPEAKER_02: So should we get into the comments first, or you want to give your your uh insight, girls?

8:51 SPEAKER_01: The comments first, and then we could give her feedback.

8:54 SPEAKER_02: Okay, so um, let's see. The first one has 1458 upvotes. It says, um, yes, I once caught a close friend cheating on his partner who was also a friend, although not as close. It was a terrible scenario to be in, but I chose to tell her. Obviously, I lost the friendship, but it was worth it. So now married with a beautiful baby. Imagine if I hadn't said anything, she could have wasted another decade. The next comment says, Who wants a friend that cheats, anyways? That's not the kind of person I want shitting on my energy.

9:30 SPEAKER_02: Um somebody says, Send her all of the texts. She won't believe you if if she doesn't get see the proof and tell her how long it's been going on. Okay, I have a question. They weren't dating yet, right? He was trying to date her. Well, I think it said that that they had dated.

9:50 SPEAKER_01: The fact that he was trying alone while with with a girlfriend is crazy.

9:55 SPEAKER_02: Okay, so she says, I've been seeing a guy, let's call him Joe, for over a year now. It was romantic in the beginning, but we're not fundamentally compatible, so it basically devolved into a friend with benefits. So they've been friends with benefits.

10:08 SPEAKER_00: So it's friends with benefits, so what the hell?

10:10 SPEAKER_01: If you don't want to be benefited, then then they're smashing, they're smashing, and he wants to continue while he has a girlfriend with the other stuff that this one doesn't have.

10:18 SPEAKER_02: And she's and he's telling the girl, I love you, is what she's seeing on his social media. Man, social media just busts everybody nowadays, don't you? Everybody.

10:26 SPEAKER_00: Every freaking body. But you know what? The thing is this it's good. I feel like um she made her decision when she saw that because she took, she did a little snooping and she found out what she needed to find out, and she said no, no means no, period. She doesn't have to give them any any um explanation. All she has to do is block his ass. That's all. Well, but what her she's asking is did she tell the other girl? No, I have what what pleasure are you getting out of that? Just what you the pleasure you get out is leaving his ass alone.

10:56 SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but so I feel like yes, you should tell, even though she said, well, a commentant said that they lost a friendship. I happen to lose a friendship over that as well. I told my friend I saw her man in the movie theater with someone. I took a picture because my friend was like another commenter that said that they might not believe it. Took a picture, send it to her, say, Hey, this is what I saw, do what you will. Long story short, I'm no longer friends with the girl. The boyfriend um convinced her that I wanted to break up the the the friend the relationship.

11:28 SPEAKER_01: Stupid shit. That's that they broke up. I said they broke up three months later. They broke up three months later, anyways, because he kept doing it.

11:35 SPEAKER_00: Right. I feel like that's some stupid. Why what pleasure does a person get out of trying to break your relationship up? Especially if they're friends with you. Like, what pleasure would I get trying to break up? That's a birthday.

11:49 SPEAKER_01: Your friend is jealous, whatever. Right, right.

11:52 SPEAKER_02: I'm jealous, so I'm gonna show you what jealous of what? Come on. So, in this situation with the girl diaries that we're reading, she doesn't even know the girl, right? So it's a girl code. I was gonna say it goes back to some of our old um podcasts that we've talked about, like this is a girl code thing. Do you want to interject into somebody you don't even know? Or like that, should she just block them?

12:17 SPEAKER_00: Like, I mean I would say to him, if you contact me in any any way, shape, or fashion, social media, call my phone, drive by my house, I'm gonna tell your girlfriend. That's what I would do. Period. That stops him from contacting her. That's not if so, anyway. We I mean, don't even don't even dial my number and hang up because I will call and tell her.

12:39 SPEAKER_01: Here's the thing though that stops him from contacting you. That's stop him from keeping on going with girl number two, three, four, and five. Because because he did it with you, he's gonna do it. He's not, he's not, he's not fulfilled. That's why he's coming outside of the relationship.

12:55 SPEAKER_02: I guess I'm like the one who can maybe take a little bit of both of what y'all are saying, and like you could contact him and tell him, like, I'm not doing this with you anymore. And I'm actually, or maybe contact her first and let her know, and then be like, I'm not doing this with you anymore. I let her know that you're a scumbag and I'm blocking you. Scumbag. Well, that way she can make her own decision, right?

13:17 SPEAKER_01: Maybe she's not a big deal. But at least she's knowing she's not unaware. Because imagine being the girl that thinks your man loves you and she's on the side trying to get something, it's pretty sad. Right.

13:26 SPEAKER_00: I am high skill too. I don't care who it is. I'm listening to Howard's telling me some shit. Because most of the time, I mean, unless you know a person is a damn jerk, the your friend is a jerk. Most of the time, people are not just gonna walk up to you and say, Mona, I saw blah blah blah at this, blah, blah, blah, with blah, blah, blah. Nobody's gonna freaking say that shit.

13:45 SPEAKER_02: These are strangers, these are like the girls are strangers to each other. So why would she do the internet?

13:52 SPEAKER_00: And that's exactly right. So why the hell would she walk up to a stranger and say that? Is your man named Sarah? Well, how do you know my man? Because we're we're dating, we're having. I mean, if you don't believe somebody who's a stranger and knows your man's name, right, then you're an idiot. I'm sorry, you're an idiot.

14:09 SPEAKER_02: Well, I think this one's interesting because we don't all agree, right? So in the comments, you could tell us what you think.

14:16 SPEAKER_01: This is quite a doozy one, yeah.

14:19 SPEAKER_02: I mean, I think it would be different if you if you did know the girl. If you did know the girl. Yeah, if I did know her, then yes, I would tell, I would tell her. But like maybe it's a maybe what if it's like um like if it's a girl you would already know, I guess. But anyway, but what if it's a like a long lost kind of friend, and then you realize, oh my god, they're dating. You know what I mean?

14:41 SPEAKER_00: Oh, I would definitely tell a long-lost friend, yes. Yeah, so I would definitely but I'm saying it to me, if it's I don't know her, and I would tell him, like I'm telling you, I'm saying this to you now. Don't fucking call me, don't show up at my house, don't leave no presents outside my damn door.

15:01 SPEAKER_00: Don't leave flowers, don't leave nothing, don't do nothing. Nothing. Otherwise, I'm gonna tell. And we can just leave it as this and be done. But if you do one thing, uh a half a, a quarter, an inch of one thing, a half an inch, I'm telling.

15:18 SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you're the one that's like, I don't know her, I'm my business.

15:22 SPEAKER_00: Right. Yes. I mean, actually, I feel like this. If they're deciding that they're just friends with benefits, then I'm probably not gonna, I'm not, I'm probably not gonna say anything unless he doesn't abide by the rules that I set. But if we're in a relationship and I find out you're in a relationship with somebody else, you're damn right I'm telling. If we decide we're gonna be in a relationship and you're just playing both of us, no, sir. No, sir, or no ma'am, or whatever it is. No.

15:51 SPEAKER_02: Well, it sounds like she was the one who made the decision because she's saying that she didn't feel like they were compatible. And if they're still friends with benefits, I'm assuming that's because the girl's letting it happen. I mean, I had I hate to be that way, but if you're friends with benefits with a girl, because she's letting you.

16:08 SPEAKER_00: Yes, yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. I agree, absolutely, because if I don't want to be friends with benefits with you, I'm gonna move on and act like you never existed.

16:18 SPEAKER_01: You you uh I'm you you accepted what I was saying, yeah.

16:21 SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yes, yes, absolutely.

16:24 SPEAKER_01: And now she's in a sense the girl is bothered. I just think she likes Snoopy, right?

16:31 SPEAKER_00: Well, she's like because what his scenario didn't make sense to her. That's why she went Snoopy, because that would be any one of us. If you tell me some shit and I'm like, huh? What like I'm gonna go fucking looking. Like, what the hell are you saying? I'm gonna never look and then you say something stupid and I'm gonna go look.

16:51 SPEAKER_01: Like, wait, that don't make sense. Sometimes when you're in a friends with benefits, I've seen it happen too often, even though it's again a friends with benefits, you shouldn't be bothered. Sometimes one or the other kind of go in knee deep, a little bit deeper than you know what was agreed on. And that's what she did, obviously, because if you don't care, why did you go snooping? Mm-hmm. Yep.

17:14 SPEAKER_00: I agree. I totally agree with that. I agree.

17:17 SPEAKER_02: Yeah. Well, I would say on this one, we're um I don't know, we need to have like some kind of like diva, like when we agree and when we disagree, or when we have agree. We need a bell. Ping, ding, ding, ding, we agree. Ding ding ding.

17:36 SPEAKER_02: But hey, we're not always gonna agree. That's why we're doing this. Because you know, if we all agreed all the time, it'd be boring. So all right, so let's move on to the next one. I think this one we'll probably be able to agree on pretty easily, just judging by the title. This one says, Um, my boyfriend said if I got pregnant he would leave. And this one says, Um, advice needed, no dude input. And uh, like I said, I'll post pictures of these um the food that they're eating in case um I'm trying to figure out what the exactly this is because it looks like ice cream on the plate.

18:13 SPEAKER_02: But anyway, I will post a picture of the food that they're eating as well, so that way um if you're watching, you can see see what they're having. What was the name of it?

18:23 SPEAKER_00: Becky? I mean, um um Mona, what was the name of it?

18:27 SPEAKER_02: My boyfriend said if I got pregnant he would leave. And um, it looks like she's having like chicken and maybe sweet potatoes and possibly blueberries. But then it looks like two scoops of ice cream on the plate, too.

18:44 SPEAKER_02: I don't know. Like I said, I'll post the picture. Yeah. And hopefully, hopefully she says what she's eating here in the in the post. But anyway, let me read it. For context, my boyfriend, 25 male and I, 23 female, have been dating for almost two years. Okay, so they've been dating since he was 23 and she was 21. I'd say we're getting very serious. I take him on trips with my family and vice versa. My siblings know him. Um, even my cousins love him. Anyways, like every couple, we get into arguments sometimes.

19:18 SPEAKER_02: Last night we started fighting because he was disagreeing with me on how serious we were. Obviously, we're in our early 20s, so I'm not going to marry him just yet, but I could see it going there. When I told him this, he got weird and closed off. I asked him what was wrong, and he just kind of brushed it off. I asked him again and then he snapped, saying, I always jump to conclusions and look too far into the future and I'm too uptight for what he wants.

19:45 SPEAKER_02: We're all like, What? Somewhere in the midst of all the yelling, I mentioned kids somehow. I think I said something along the lines of, We'll do well, do you want to have kids one day or not? And he says that if I ever got pregnant, he would leave me because he doesn't think we should be that even ever be that serious.

20:05 SPEAKER_00: There's your answer right there.

20:06 SPEAKER_01: Listen, that's it. Wrap it up, we're done.

20:09 unknown: I'm sorry, your answer.

20:11 SPEAKER_02: I don't want to get political here, but we also have different views on pro-life and everything. I just don't know what to do. I just can't believe he would even say that. It's so selfish of him. He's the one that always initiates sex, and now he's putting the blame on me if I get pregnant. I love him, and I've been with him for a good amount of time, but it's like he's a new person. The morning things were this morning things were awkward, and he didn't even address anything he said. I guess I didn't either though.

20:40 SPEAKER_02: Sorry, this is so long. People probably won't even read this, but I guess I'm just asking, what should I do now? And then it says, Edit, I've seen your comments, and just to clarify, I'm the one that would be okay with getting an abortion if necessary, and he is pro-life.

20:55 SPEAKER_01: Oh my god. Like, subscribe. That is so much. That is so much. It's too much. She got her answer as she as she wrote it.

21:07 SPEAKER_02: Yes. I think sometimes people know when they write to Reddit and they're asking for advice. I think they know and they just they just need like people to tell them how now.

21:19 SPEAKER_01: Honey, I'm gonna hold your hand. If you don't want to be a man that don't like you, he does not like you. You're a placeholder.

21:26 SPEAKER_00: 20 23. What why would you even be thinking about that? 23 is not old enough. You're not even mature enough in your brain to even decipher what you wrote. So what makes you think about it?

21:39 SPEAKER_00: Right, yeah. He doesn't want her like I agree with that, but she's not she's not ready for that.

21:44 SPEAKER_01: But he doesn't like her.

21:46 SPEAKER_00: He don't like he doesn't. I I agree, Becky. Diva Becky is right. He doesn't like you. He doesn't want to do he doesn't smash you and that's it on occasion. I'm sorry. So your smashing must.

22:00 SPEAKER_02: be excellent so you you should be you should not be so good but to blame her talk about if you get if you get pregnant as if he has no parts in it if you get pregnant I'm leaving you right I'm sorry if we can if we can't cuss but what the fuck we can cuss shit oh because you're right like he acted like he has no part in you getting pregnant I wouldn't even want to get pregnant by him to do with it if he said something like that why would you even want to have a child by him no right I wouldn't even want to have a child by him sometimes I wouldn't even happen right sometimes shit happens and you try to work it out you try to do that but he's telling you already if you get pregnant he got nothing to do with that right he's already telling you that so you can't be saying I didn't know what happened but you are 22 so I think what is interesting here when people ask this question I mean this is major like it's not it's not like it's not something you can compromise on.

23:01 SPEAKER_02: Like if one person wants kids and the other one doesn't there's no compromising on that and it's not fair to try to make either one think the other way you know I mean it means you are not compatible and you should go and break this off now.

23:17 SPEAKER_01: Well wait yeah they're not compatible in any way shape or form she mentioned everything political he doesn't want children it's her fault like they're not compatible.

23:26 SPEAKER_00: Yeah well I said I remember when I when I when I got married I was 20 in my 20s early 20s and I said immediately I don't want children so if you want to have children then you need to go find someone else and don't say yes because I'm not rocking your world or whatever the case may be but I'm telling you going forward because you when you get married we're supposed to be married forever but I do not want children and I'm just telling you that so he said no it's okay I don't want any children either and I was like think about it like I actually went to the to the thing of saying I can't have any children.

24:03 SPEAKER_00: So I was giving him a choice you can either do this or move on or whatever. So he was like no I'm good with it I'm okay da-da-da he was uh 25 I was 20 whatever and um early 20s I was younger than him and um probably about 15 years into the marriage we were married for nine years actually nine years we were together for like 15 before you know altogether before then I said um I I I changed my mind I was like you know what I'm thinking I think I might want to have children you know I'm I want to it's nine years now nine years we're married we've been together for a while and um then the rest of course we have three children is history the rest is history but um in the beginning I didn't want any and I was adamant about that and I was doing everything I could do to not make sure that that wasn't happening.

24:58 SPEAKER_02: Right and so peep yes people can change but I think that in the beginning of a relationship you find this out are you gonna risk nine years of your life right you know and I mean obviously like the dude just even the way he kind of was it sounded like the way that they communicated and were arguing and yelling and fighting and stuff like it doesn't sound healthy. You know what I mean? So he was hateful.

25:23 SPEAKER_00: He was hateful if you ask me he didn't say hey listen I I don't want children at this time maybe later on but in our 20s no he could have said hey I do envision a a life with you at some point but right now I don't want to bring kids into the mix until we are secure and safe and secure and and in tune with one another but he said he don't want her I think in the yeah in the topic at hand she needs to see the writing on the wall early to not waste her time.

25:51 SPEAKER_02: Because there's a lot of flags there's a lot of caution well like back to this line I asked him again and then he snapped saying I always jump to conclusions and look too far into the future and I'm too uptight for what he wants no like he's writing her he's gonna have her he continues to try he's gonna have her doing that for years and then what?

26:15 SPEAKER_00: Well the thing is probably he might have been her first because they've been dating for two years at this point. So she might have been her first and she talked like she was only 21 she doesn't know that there is a man out there that will treat her with respect. She doesn't realize that there's somebody out there that will respect her wishes and her thoughts and sit down and have an actual conversation with her regarding the things right instead of just saying we're kids and all the things maybe we at some point we can but right now I don't think it's the best thing for us act right now if it happens then we'll deal with it but we're gonna try to make sure that it doesn't happen.

26:54 SPEAKER_02: I mean when a guy gives you an ultimatum that if you get pregnant I will leave like like you said like he has nothing to do with it.

27:00 SPEAKER_00: Okay then go get a vasectomy jackass right here's the thing though it's that but now we're her and she just doesn't get that yes because he's not gonna get a vasectomy he could do that so he could prevent it fully with everyone across the board yeah but no he's specifically telling her yeah comments he he could have just said good luck with that because I had a vasectomy I feel like if you're in in a relationship and you could be in a relationship for for 10 or 15 years and the the child thing comes up because mostly it's women who at some point they get to a certain age and say hey I want to have kids and their boyfriend if you have a compassionate caring boyfriend he can say hey honey at this time I don't think I'm really ready like if if a guy comes to me and says I don't think I'm really ready I'm I'm still kind of childish not meaning childish childish but I'm still I still want to um buy a porch I still want to drive fast I still want to do this I'm not ready for that but we can talk about the delivery we can talk about when that's you know if you're if you're afraid of the time not your age and the time frame that we can discuss we can talk about that.

28:13 SPEAKER_00: But if somebody said that to me I'm just not ready right now which is exactly what I did to my my ex-husband um when I told him no you know I didn't say no if you I'm never having any kids I just said I don't want any children and I did change my mind later on um and he was fully okay with the time you know you know that when we when we decided to he was fully okay with that I think it's the the people change but I don't think one should wait long and and in this instance in this occasion I I I think it's pretty cut and dry for her.

28:47 SPEAKER_02: If she doesn't want to see it then that's different but yeah this is definitely cut and dry I'm sorry go ahead the top the top three comments the first um comment has 4.9 um 4900 upvotes he could not make it more clear that he sees you as a casual just for now girl exactly if that's not what you want with him you should probably end it. The second comment has 2,400 um upvotes and it says he's telling you he's not in this relationship for a long future you seem to want one I'd walk and then the third one with 1600 upvotes says I don't think you understand what he is saying.

29:30 SPEAKER_02: He said you're not that serious that he never wants to be that serious and doesn't want to have kids and marry you.

29:36 SPEAKER_00: That relationship is essentially over if this is not what you want like I mean we don't even need to keep going I don't think after that that's like what five six seven eight almost nine thousand comments of everybody agreeing like this is not made to last like I don't think it does an update soon did you see this one that says I can't tell how many comments it on but it says take him seriously stop having sex until you're fully comfortable with the pregnancy risk make sure your contraception is in your control and ask yourself whether you want to keep investing in someone who already said he wouldn't stay if things got hard.

30:16 SPEAKER_00: Right.

30:17 SPEAKER_02: That's perfect yes girl stop pressing it yes yes absolutely for real no he does it he absolutely does it we're all in agreement we're all in agreement with that I'm gonna go in there I'm gonna after this uh after we post this podcast I'm gonna go in there and send her a link to our podcast and let her know that we commented on her podcast on yeah or we did a comment uh section on her her uh question yeah all right this one I think might be a little more lighthearted I haven't read it it's called um I opened the wrong bottle of wine and it just uh like for the category says brain dump so I don't think that she's really like asking for much advice or anything I think she's just kind of talking and it looks like I think she's eating maybe tofu or something but we'll see and a glass of wine is in the picture and it says I opened the wrong bottle of wine tonight.

31:17 SPEAKER_02: I have a decent wine collection I decided to have I wanted to have a glass or two with dinner and while I sit on my sofa and bend Star Wars again. I meant to pull a lower price bottle from the wine fridge since it was just me sitting on the sofa watching something I've seen like a million times. I try to save the higher end bottles for special occasions or even just casual evenings with friends. I've always thought it seemed kind of wasteful to open anything particularly expensive for myself. I pulled a bottle that I believed to be a simple brute but after I popped the cork I realized I'd accidentally pulled a similarly labeled but nowhere near similar priced bottle one that had been sitting there waiting for the perfect occasion for a couple of years.

32:00 SPEAKER_02: My first reaction was anger at myself for wasting one of the good wines on me. But there's no going back once you uncork it. So here I am a glass in unpacking my interaction with myself. I'm sitting here in the home I own by myself relaxing on my sofa I bought by myself watching something I love on my Disney Plus account that has one profile drinking a glass of delicious wine that I bought for myself on one of the many journeys I've taken by myself I have a great job and I'm incredibly lucky and thankful to be the in the position where I can have a many existential crisis over a bottle of wine but I so often feel behind or marginally important in the grand scheme of things.

32:45 SPEAKER_02: I'm surrounded by a wonderful group of friends but I'm the only single one. Everyone is married most have kids and I've been there for it all every engagement shower bachelorette wedding baby shower house pet sitting pet sat during birth and attended kiddos birthday parties I've even I'm even a godmother to a couple of these amazing kids. I absolutely love my friends and their families and I've been so honored to be a part of their lives and their joys and many a sorrow too and I wouldn't trade any of that for the world.

33:17 SPEAKER_02: But it seems that somewhere down that road I started minimizing my life to fit seamlessly into theirs. I've never batted an eye at an expensive bottle of wine for a friend celebration or even just a night in with laughter, tears, sometimes both. But I was mad at myself for opening one on a night where I'm here myself while everyone else is out and about with their spouses, kids, in laws the wine fridge is full because everyone has had a busy summer except for me. Why was the first thought in my mind that I wasn't worth my own expensive bottle of wine I'm changing my mindset moving forward I am worth a good bottle I'm allowed to reserve nice things for myself and my life is also worth celebrating even if it can't be measured by traditional milestones or if I'm the only one at the party dinner is leftover baked tofu and butternut squash accompanied by the wine in question.

34:10 SPEAKER_00: So like I said she's not really asking for advice or anything she just kind of talking like an online diary of sorts right no nobody it's nobody's life is promised drink the damn wine right she's too hard on herself nobody's you can drink I don't care if you have your pajamas on and you got a rag on your head drink the damn wine I agree on herself it's crazy you deserve it you did all of these things to put your life in a situation in a position where you could do whatever you want you have great friends you have everything drink the damn wine girl and don't feel bad about it.

34:46 SPEAKER_02: Don't feel bad you and you you never know your friends could be jealous of you and your life so don't don't think don't think that because a lot of people say man I wish I was like such and such but drink the damn wine he's over he deserves it yes you she absolutely deserve it absolutely deserve it I have a short little story about that like um my mom you know I think like older generations it's more traditional to have like fancy china and stuff right I don't have any fancy china my mom but my mom has fancy china her best friend has fancy china and they used to only bring it out on Christmas and Thanksgiving and this that and whatever right all the special holidays and then one year we were just having like dinner and it might have been after somebody's death I don't know you know what kind of sparked it but my mom like we were going to use paper plates.

35:37 SPEAKER_02: It was like probably a cookout right with hamburgers and hot dogs and stuff. And my mom's friend Pam was like her best friend. She's like no we're gonna eat on China today. And my mom's like what she's like Life's too short like let's get the China and so like we break out China for just like regular everyday things. If it breaks it breaks it's like whatever it's just a thing right it's stuff and uh like I think that yeah life's too short is I feel like the older you get the less treating yourself.

36:09 SPEAKER_00: Yeah the older you get the less those supposedly sentimental things mean sentimental to you. You're like shit I'm getting older. I'm gonna eat off of this I'm gonna sit on that damn yellow couch that I told you you couldn't sit on half your life. Sit on that damn thing put your feet on it I don't care put your feet on the coffee table because the older you get the less those material things matter to you. It's the people that are sitting in it or eating out of it or drinking the bottle of wine or doing whatever it is that matters.

36:38 SPEAKER_00: It's not the shit that can be replaced. The people can't be replaced memories can't be replaced so go ahead yeah and you can clean it you can clean it if you can't clean it then you call Becky call executive what is it again you have to pay her though for her job.

36:58 SPEAKER_02: That's right Florida executive maintenance executive maintenance if you can't clean it call Florida executive maintenance and they will tip top shape there you go a little plug this was just from um this was only from 16 hours ago there's not a lot of comments but um the first one has 490 up votes it says stop being so rude to yourself you deserve the wine and the beautiful atmosphere that you lovingly curated perhaps the mistakes the mistake was a nudge from the universe yeah uh you deserve the good wine period another person everything happens for a reason important wine for your important reflection reminding you to literally pour it pour into your own glass I like that wow yeah Mona they got one that says something about what you said how often do we save the good China flatware he'll even can't hell even candles for special occasions yeah that's awesome yeah right yeah Savannah was um treating herself to something the other day and she was like kind of you know kind of going down on herself a little bit about it and I was like girl you've been working your ass off like what are we working for if we can't treat ourselves you know like go and treat yourself and don't feel guilty about it right so absolutely absolutely I am a firm believer in that so anyway I think that was a good one to kind of finish up on for our little girl diaries yeah I think that's because people need to know that you can treat yourself right you can buy yourself that purse you can do you can do this you can you whatever it's whatever you want because yeah look how many people are not here right now yeah forever nobody lives forever dolly would tell us to buy that purse would that's right buy that purse and pour yourself a cup of ambition while you're at it whether it's a glass of wine or a glass of coffee that's right you can't like you come over here I'm not ever gonna say no you can't drink that or no no drink whatever you find okay yeah I don't care how much I pay for it it's not just for me okay I'm gonna go in that tea cabinet when I go over oh that I got you know I got 9,000 T's in there honey for real well y'all comment and like subscribe follow us and uh tell us what you think about some of the things that we might not all agree on and what you think about the ones we did agree on.

39:26 SPEAKER_02: We'd love to hear yes yes and please share all of that is free to do and you're just helping us to get our our podcast out there and to get on other people's algorithms so please absolutely yes please do a diva assignment don't forget to do that and we may have you on and we may have you on yes email us at four distracted divas at gmail if you would like to contribute to the podcast the number four distracted divas at gmail dot com all right until next time till next time peace bye divas bye