DDs Episode 18: The Toxic Friendship Checklist: When to Ghost Your Bestie

0:09 SPEAKER_01: Hello, hello. Welcome to another distracted divas. Hello, welcome.

0:14 SPEAKER_02: Welcome, welcome, hello. Hello. We definitely have been distracted for about three weeks. Oh, yes, very for sure. And we were still celebrating Becky's birthday. Yes, this is Becky's birthday. Happy birthday. Thank you. Happy, happy birthday. Like, share, comment, and subscribe because we may answer your question too.

0:40 SPEAKER_00: So our um topic this week is going to be uh friendship advice and maybe friendship breakups and friendship dramas. Yes. So we have um our second email.

0:56 SPEAKER_01: That's awesome.

0:57 SPEAKER_00: Woohoo!

0:57 SPEAKER_01: Thank you, thank you guys.

0:59 SPEAKER_00: Keep them coming.

0:59 SPEAKER_01: Keep them coming. Yes, keep them coming.

1:02 SPEAKER_00: Yes. This one is um an anonymous listener who says, Hey Divas, I am a young woman married. Um, she's a female twenty-one, married to a male twenty-three, and stuck in the absolute worst position between my marriage and my friend group. And her friends are a male twenty one and a female twenty. Um says another young couple in our circle um is just they've been good friends for a while, and uh the friend her friend, the female friend, pulled her aside last week um and confessed to her that she had recently cheated on her boyfriend.

1:46 SPEAKER_00: And bad enough as that is, she said that she had also just been um to the gynecologist and found out that she has HP. And so she's got this bombshell of a thing that she's telling this person, and she was crying and it was heavy, and she begged her not to tell her husband. So the friend begged the girl that's married not to tell her husband that she had cheated and had found out that she had picked up this STD maybe from him, maybe from another time, I don't know. Um here's the massive problem the boyfriend that's being cheated on is also the husband's absolute best friend in the entire world.

2:27 SPEAKER_00: They're practically brothers. If I keep this secret, I'm respecting girl code, but I'm actively keeping a massive, devastating lie from my husband about his best friend. If my husband finds out later that I knew this whole time, it could completely destroy the trust in our marriage. But if I tell my husband, it will blow up our entire friend group. So she asks, What would she do or what should she do? So what do you guys think?

2:59 SPEAKER_01: That poor girl got put in such a bad position. Help her Jesus, because that's a doozy.

3:06 SPEAKER_02: That poor girl like like like that's a doozy um of a of a trying to help somebody because I'm pretty sure we all three have different opinions. And if you say tell, um then you sound like the bad guy, right? Because what are you gaining by telling? That's what people probably want to know. What are you gaining by telling by telling? Um, she told you because she wanted to get it off her chest because she feels bad. Um, but I don't think that telling in your situation, I don't think that telling is gonna help their relationship, right?

3:56 SPEAKER_02: And your relationship, because you don't want the person who you said is the best friend, you don't want him being angry and angry all the time because of you know, like maybe she's like, Why'd she tell you? Why didn't she tell me?

4:11 SPEAKER_01: I'm not friends, but it'll always be questions, yeah, keeping uh going because men's minds go roll, and so do women's minds they roll. I I actually would have been if it was me, I would have been angry that she told me. Yes, I think I've no one else to go to this right. Like, go tell me. But you have to tell me. Don't tell me nothing. I I feel like hey, drink water and mind your business.

4:36 SPEAKER_00: Well, that's interesting that you say that because this was said to us a couple weeks ago. We haven't all got to get together. So I went ahead and responded to her, but told her that we'd also be responding as a group. And um I she actually said that um when we were talking through email that she felt like she was put in a spot and it was tearing her up and she didn't know what to do. And that she wished she never told her, you know. Right. And she never gave her the option, like to say, like, hey, I need to tell you something, but if I tell you, you can't tell right husband.

5:14 SPEAKER_00: You know.

5:15 SPEAKER_02: A hundred percent agree with the option.

5:17 SPEAKER_00: Option to be like So Um I have to say I I personally told her I would tell my husband because I'm sorry, but like if you don't tell him and later down the road he finds out that you were holding that secret from him, like you know, if if you have a a serious relationship, a good relationship with your spouse, they should in many ways be your best friend and you should I agree. I agree even if you know telling him that he is literally gonna turn around. Oh, for sure.

5:52 SPEAKER_02: For sure.

5:53 SPEAKER_00: That's a fact.

5:54 SPEAKER_02: He'll trust you though. He'll trust you because um you don't you you can't say I'm gonna tell you this and then tell him how to react either, because right you can't you can say I'm I'm gonna tell you this, how you react is how you react. I'm just gonna tell you this because I don't want there to be any secrets between us. I don't even care how minimal or how big it is, right? I don't want there to be any secrets.

6:16 SPEAKER_00: How it went um when she did talk to him, and before she even talked to him, she did tell the girl, her friend, that she was going to tell him because very good in a position that um that she couldn't that she was stuck between a rock and a hard place.

6:33 SPEAKER_01: Because he's gonna wonder what's wrong with her. Like, what's wrong? I'm sure, right? I'm sure there's more to the story in the couple or whatever. You know, a person doesn't just cheat just because. So I'm sure the writer, the person that wrote in, um, there's more to the story, you know. Uh I I like to think that people don't just cheat just cuz nine times out of ten. So, so maybe there's a backstory there. Maybe he did it, or maybe something lacked, or whatever, you know. So, you know, well, what the what the what the writer could do before talking to her own guy is um, you know, telling him that, you know, there's probably more to this, you know, you know your friend, or whatever the case may be.

7:16 SPEAKER_01: And I'm sure they probably know about stories, there that's their friends, so they probably know. You know, it's probably not a thing that's you know.

7:23 SPEAKER_02: But then, but too, another thing too is um to contract to contract uh an STD to me means you you're irresponsible. You know, you're irresponsible because not only did you tell you without protection, right? You're putting yourself and your partner's self in jeopardy and and uh physical, like your health, you're putting it in jeopardy, which that also puts a damper on the relationship, also, because it's uh on top of it all. Because how are you gonna say uh we can't do nothing now? Or we can't. I mean, we women could always use the east infection thing.

8:00 SPEAKER_02: We could always do that and then make them use the condom because we still want it to just use a condom. Am I being horny? Oh my goodness. Not me. Now when a little left, a little left, just look Becky, not me.

8:13 SPEAKER_01: Come back out on the road and whoop, let's keep going. Not me. Took a pit stop there, buddy.

8:22 SPEAKER_00: Well, um, the update is that uh she did tell him her husband. Okay, he did what? He did so. The update is that she well, she told the girl that she was gonna tell her husband, and she immediately blocked her and is no longer friends with her. Wow! Um the husband told the best friend and the couple broke up. And this has been a couple weeks as I told you.

8:56 SPEAKER_02: And well, I like the person who um I like the person who who is who's who wrote the letter because because she has morals. Yes.

9:06 SPEAKER_00: And uh and that's kind of the advice I had given was like, um, you know, sometimes when that's how you made your bed.

9:16 SPEAKER_02: Now you have to leave.

9:17 SPEAKER_01: Right, because for you to rock her off top, what did you expect? Right.

9:21 SPEAKER_02: You can't tell me not to do something and then and I'll meet my relationship on the line for you, girl.

9:27 SPEAKER_01: Kick rocks.

9:28 SPEAKER_00: Yep. Girl, boy, whoever kick rocks. Yeah, that was kind of my advice in the in the beginning.

9:32 SPEAKER_02: I feel like the person who's in the middle should not feel bad because she made the right decision for her and her relationship. She has no obligation to be your secret teller. Your your your oh, let me tell you this. Let me tell you, you you're gonna you might drive this person crazy. She doesn't know.

9:50 SPEAKER_00: She doesn't look at her like that person maybe told, maybe told her because they wanted it to get back. Well, that too. Like they some people don't know how to tell.

9:59 SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you're right.

10:00 SPEAKER_02: Well, it could be that she's jealous of their relationship too, because they have a good relationship, and maybe her and her man don't have one, too.

10:06 SPEAKER_00: Well, that backfired. Well, and and even since then, the latest update has been that now the couple is back together. Of course, they got they got and the friend group is already kind of demolished at this point. So okay, okay, then that's okay, then good. So the other two went there one way, and now these two are are kind of doing their own thing.

10:28 SPEAKER_01: Yeah, at least now the girl knows not to come with no more secrets like that to her.

10:32 SPEAKER_02: There's that well, wait a minute. The the the guys are not friends? I don't understand why they're not wait, they're not?

10:38 SPEAKER_00: I don't understand that because he went and got back with the girl, and um well, that's his business. Yes, I can see that, but it it'll sometime needs to pass. They're young in their early, you know, early 20s and stuff. Yeah, they're young, very young, and who knows what will transpire. Um, I just thought that this would be an interesting email to up open up with for today for our topic of like friendships and like when like there are times I think when girl code is like definitely a thing and guy code and bros or whatever, but well, between our friendship, I ain't telling shit.

11:14 SPEAKER_02: You could tell me jump blue in the face, I'm gonna be sitting here looking at you like this. Did you hear what I said? Nope. But I'm steady listening too. I am rather than nothing, like I'm not we'll talk to each other because you know how we are. We're but we're we're basically true, so we'll talk to each other. We might curse at each other, like why the fuck are you doing that? I'm gonna act like this, you know, but still we'll talk to each other, but I ain't telling. I'm sorry, I'm just not telling.

11:37 SPEAKER_02: Unless, unless it's like something really bad, you know what I mean? Right, like like you're trying to poison somebody or kill somebody, right? But I'm not telling if you messed around with somebody, okay. Yeah, what's it? Okay, all right, do your thing. Go mentally, go mentally to counseling, okay?

11:56 SPEAKER_01: So, what what do you think, audience? Like, do you guys have stories like this? Please tell us. I know this happens more than once to a lot of people in many different ways. Uh, give us your feedback and send us your story that are similar to this one. We're definitely gonna do more segments on this.

12:12 SPEAKER_02: Like, subscribe, comment, and we will answer you back.

12:16 SPEAKER_00: And curious if our listeners would have told or would they have right?

12:20 SPEAKER_02: Oh my god, because this is a doozy. Right. Let us know whether you would have told or you would not have told. Yeah, and then we'll come back with the results in about two weeks. We'll come back with the results of how many people would have told and how many people would have not told. And you can tell us why if you like as well. Yeah. Awesome.

12:42 SPEAKER_00: Okay, well, that was a that was a big one to open with. Um, what were some of the other ones that we had? Do you want to start, Pam? Or you want to do that?

12:51 SPEAKER_02: I have to pull it up.

12:52 SPEAKER_00: Um I'm pulling it up too. I shouldn't.

12:54 SPEAKER_02: My honest take about friendships. This is a Reddit story, and it says, My honest take about friendships. This might sound cliche, but time and time again has proven to be, it has proven to be so true. One thing I've learned about friendships is that a lot of people don't see them realistically. They build they build an idolized version of their friends and place unrealistic expectations on them and seeing them for who they truly are. When you're generally present, you'll notice people's patterns.

13:26 SPEAKER_02: Like going to somebody's house and knock on the door because they weren't there. We often ignore those patterns because we want to believe the best. Listen more, observe more, and don't trust people too quickly. They should earn your trust over time, which is true. Most importantly, don't rush to conclusions. Let people's actions show you who they are. If you're not too sure about the kind of person so it is, take a day or two a trip with them. I'm sorry, take a day or two day trip with them. The more you spend with someone, the more their true colors start to show.

14:02 SPEAKER_02: And then you'll only, oh, I'm sorry, and then and only then place them in your life accordingly so you won't get hurt too much. Hmm.

14:13 SPEAKER_01: Very good topic there.

14:14 SPEAKER_02: But some of the things are um one of the one of the answers, and this is from six days ago, um, it says, honestly, I have noticed that to maintain a long-lasting friendship, one needs to kind of tolerate disrespect. A lot of it, a lot of it, look, a lot of it, look past it, forgive and forget kind of stuff, which has been hard for me personally. I truly hope there are there are long friendships built over growing love, respect, and genuine platonic feelings. So I want to say something about that.

14:48 SPEAKER_02: Because um when she says you have to look past disrespect. If you're friends with somebody, say for instance, I say, you know what, you know, my fucking nerves, Becky. Do you think I do you think I mean it the way I said it? Because because you know me.

15:07 SPEAKER_01: Yeah.

15:08 SPEAKER_02: Like, do you think I mean fucking in a bad way? No. Mona, if I said it to you, would you think that I mean it in a bad way?

15:15 SPEAKER_00: I think you're joking around.

15:17 SPEAKER_02: Because I'm always joking.

15:18 SPEAKER_00: Like I'm like I'm uh, I don't know, it's probably I'm probably like making your drink too weak.

15:26 SPEAKER_02: Right, but I'm saying that we've been friends for so long, you can't be, you can't let every little word that somebody says hurt your feelings. Like to me, what the fuck is wrong with you? Yeah.

15:37 SPEAKER_01: Be friend with somebody who what the fuck is people are different.

15:41 SPEAKER_02: Right, people are real soft, right? But you can't be because people are you can't be soft in friendship. You can be soft when you have to be, obviously, yes. But you have to be able to walk up to somebody and say, listen, you can fucking put that shit down and stand your ass up and put your chest out and blah blah blah. And you can't you can't take offense because I said that.

16:01 SPEAKER_00: Right. Well, I'm not hurting your feelings. You just have to conversate, you know. Yes, yes, maybe maybe your maybe your friend is a sensitive person and maybe that would hurt their feelings. Well, they just have to speak up and talk about it and be like, I'd I'd rather you not talk to me like that. Could you say it this way? Or whatever.

16:19 SPEAKER_02: Then I you know And then I would be like, I can't be around you then, because shit, this is the way we talk.

16:23 SPEAKER_00: And maybe, maybe that's what it ends up happening. So here we go, back to like maybe that friendship isn't meant to be. And back to like that original email, that was one of the things that I also said when the person had said that the um friendship had kind of broken up, and I was like, Well, you know, coming from my age, being in my fifties, like I think over time some friendships stay and some go, you know.

16:50 SPEAKER_02: And you could be it could be a long friendship too, that goes right.

16:54 SPEAKER_00: I had one that happened back um around COVID, you know? That I had been friends with somebody for a long time and um uh you know, back then I was hosting a lot of political stuff and whatever, like we were all going a little stir crazy, and that person didn't agree with my politics. So like our friendship just kind of fizzled out, you know.

17:16 SPEAKER_01: So it was just like whatever a lot of friendships break up over disagreements, but you know, you gotta different disagreements, but like if if if that's all it takes, that's kind of crazy.

17:27 SPEAKER_02: Yeah. Well because if the person is worth it to right, but if the person is worth it, like if that person is is worth it, then you have to find some kind of way, like, no, we're not gonna get we're not gonna not talk to each other with some stupid ass words that don't mean nothing. And maybe it meant something at that time to that person, and the person saying it was was insec in not insecure, but in insensitive to that person's feelings at that time. But the longevity of your friendship should tell you shit, motherfucker don't mean that.

17:58 SPEAKER_02: I should smack her in the face.

18:00 SPEAKER_00: Look, I had been friends with that person for a very long time, and they didn't tell me they don't want to be friends with me anymore. They blocked me on social media. That's how I found out. Like, I was just like one day was like, I haven't heard from this person in a while, I haven't seen them post anything in a while. And I went on there, I was blocked. I was like, Well, okay, though, I guess we're not gonna do that. Wow, that's just uh a weird thing.

18:23 SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's a whole different talk show because there's a lot of people who are not friends with people um over political beliefs, and um, as far as I'm concerned, we're all friends, we all might have different political beliefs, but we never let that get in between our friendships ever. Ever. We almost don't even talk about politics with each other because we know that we have different different um political views on some things, so we um but we're the thing about me is if you respect me and I respect you, and I know you will go after somebody for saying something stupid, you will go after somebody for saying something stupid, I will go after something.

19:03 SPEAKER_02: I don't care who it is. Yeah, so we got each other's back.

19:08 SPEAKER_00: Um nowadays politics is more about uh butting the middle class against each other so that uh elites can just run our world anyway. So I don't I don't even as I get older I don't even believe you don't play into it. I don't even believe in the political system anymore. So like I don't even care about either one of them anymore. You know? So uh not to go down the politics road, but like that's where I channel.

19:37 SPEAKER_01: But yeah, friendships, friendships are a big deal now, and they a lot of people don't have that anymore. A lot of people don't even know how to keep friendships, really. Um and yeah, not even any little petty thing, they they stop being friends, which is crazy.

19:51 SPEAKER_02: I would say this, and again, I'm younger than both of y'all. Again, the value. So um look, so I have had friendships for 50 plus years, and I and from the things that they tell me, they just say you're fucking cool, like me. Like you sometimes you suck, but you don't suck enough for us not to be your friend. Um but but you respect me. We respect each other. And I I don't have just one or two friends that I've had for 50. I got about 15, 20 of them. And even if we don't talk every day, we still talk.

20:30 SPEAKER_02: We still we still are in each other's lives. And I've had friends for 15, 20 years that we may talk every other day or text or or be on a podcast together. Right. But I'm saying that we respect one another. We're like family. It's like you're my sister, you're my sister, they're my sister, they're my brother, you're my brother, y'all's my your kids are my my my nieces and nephews. Nieces, because they're the nephews.

20:54 SPEAKER_00: So great nephews. Um, in that case, like too, where this person was saying something about like you gotta kind of overlook in some ways, yes, because we're all different people, so in some ways, yes, we're not gonna agree on everything. So yeah, we might overlook some things, but I think of that like you're saying, like I look at my closest friends as more of a family rather than just a friend. You're gonna be there no matter what because you're more family than friends. Like you're my chosen family.

21:25 SPEAKER_00: Right?

21:29 SPEAKER_00: Yes. And I think that you can go through life and find people that just start to become like that. You just you start to realize as you go through things and get into stuff that you're you know, you're more like family than friends. Right.

21:46 SPEAKER_01: It goes into communication too. Like if you don't know how to tell the person if it really did bother you, you'd be like, Oh, that's kind of I didn't like that, you know, but you know, just talk.

21:56 SPEAKER_02: Yep. Which is true.

21:59 SPEAKER_00: I think. People have trouble communicating uh to each other face to face.

22:05 SPEAKER_02: Well, I feel like sometimes the communication, especially if you don't think you said anything wrong, if you feel like you've been that person the same person they won't know.

22:12 SPEAKER_01: Well, yeah, that's true.

22:13 SPEAKER_02: I feel like you you don't like what did I say wrong? I talk like this all the fucking problems. What the hell are you mad for? Maybe that right, that person doesn't know. And if that person is telling them, well, you hurt my feelings because blah blah blah, you're thinking, I said worse shit than that. And you're you might not say it to them, but you're saying together, I have said worse shit than that. Why the hell's wrong to you? Are you pregnant? What's wrong? But you work, but if you're real friends, then you work through it.

22:39 SPEAKER_02: Maybe you have to step back for a minute and then come back.

22:44 SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm gonna say that too. Sometimes, um, sometimes it helps just to go like low contact with a friend for a little while. For a little bit. You know, or maybe feeling tense, or maybe feeling like y'all aren't you know, because we're all going through something in life at all different stages of our life, and we're all growing in different ways. And sometimes when you're growing, you grow apart from people, but sometimes you grow apart and come back together. Sometimes you grow apart and go your separate ways, you know.

23:17 SPEAKER_02: And then sometimes you're like in a situation and you go, damn, I'm about to call such and such. Like, say for instance, I'm about to call Becky, because if she was here, she would have done blah blah blah. She would have been right here. Fitz up, wait, you know what I'm saying? Or I'm gonna call Mona because Mona be like, I'll fucking ride that horse over your ass, you know. But I'm saying sometimes if that happens, sometimes you're like, and then you think about then you say, you know what, I'm about to call it, I don't care.

23:40 SPEAKER_02: I'm about to call that person and say, Hey, how you doing? What's going on?

23:45 SPEAKER_00: Sometimes time will let that be um a way to reconnect too, just being like, oh dang, I ain't heard from you in a while, you know. Right. Right. Sometimes you just gotta pick up the phone and call people, and they're gonna look at the phone and be like, who the hell's called me without texting me first?

24:00 SPEAKER_02: But well, I feel like me, like it's true when they say the younger you get, the less you can see. I can't I have to put my glasses on, and nowadays you got three, four damn different pairs of glasses for shit. So I'd rather you call me and say, hey, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Because then I don't have to put my glasses on for that. True. Yeah.

24:23 SPEAKER_00: Well, I think our generation kind of still likes to just talk on the phone and get it over with. Quickly. Right.

24:32 SPEAKER_02: Remember because when you would do when you were when you guys were texting we were texting something on our on our thing, and um somebody put the phone, I was like, oh shit, you can talk, you can talk on that thing. Oh my god.

24:46 SPEAKER_02: I was like, holy shit, you can do that actually quicker too. And you know what? I've been doing that for everything now. Yeah. Whenever I'm told I do that. Wait, Becky, so if it says releasing instead of relocating, I know. I was like, who's what am I releasing? What is it? When I read that this one, I was like, damn, I must have been torn up because I sure said releasing. What the hell was I trying to say? As soon as Becky releases, I'm like, that was funny. And you know I didn't get it till this morning.

25:20 SPEAKER_02: Jesus.

25:25 SPEAKER_00: Or you're audio, you know.

25:28 SPEAKER_01: Yes, yes. More interaction, yeah.

25:30 SPEAKER_00: I just know um I'm every time I try to do voice to text, I I just end up bitching at my phone. Like, what the hell are you hearing? And what am I saying?

25:44 SPEAKER_02: Right. Right. And I can't see. It takes me forever to text, unless it's yes or no. It takes me forever to text, and then it says something because I don't have the I don't have the writing, reading glasses on, so it says something like releasing instead of relocating, and I just go. Yeah, right. And I just keep going.

26:06 SPEAKER_00: That was an honest take about friendships. I want to talk about this one too. Um the next, unless you have anything else you want to read from that Reddit. No, no. Because I think what we could go into in this one would be um like where do you meet your friends or how do you meet new friends? Oh, I like that one. This next Reddit says this is from friendship advice, and it's from a month ago. It says, Work friends are not your personal friends. And this one says, the title says it all. There are your work buddies, not true personal uh these are your work buddies buddies, not true personal friends.

26:44 SPEAKER_00: Once people move on to different jobs, those relationships mostly end. Don't get me wrong, I've made a handful of friends uh through work over the years, but those friendships grew after no longer being at the same company. At the end of the day, we are at the workplace for one thing to work and get paid. And no one is going to take the ball for you. When push funds to shove, people are not going to lose their paycheck to keep work friends. Have a life outside of work.

27:12 SPEAKER_01: Um wrong wrong well wrong.

27:20 SPEAKER_02: That's not true, and we all know that.

27:22 SPEAKER_01: At all. Not for not for us, anyway.

27:24 SPEAKER_02: Not for us, zero. Zip, none, no, that's not true. Every place I feel like every place that I've ever worked, I have I still have friends from there. Still to this day, I still have friends from there. Yep. Still.

27:39 SPEAKER_00: So I have like um a two-handed thought on this. Okay, raised when I was raised, my mom always used to say, like you don't have you have you don't have work friends because work friends like you're kind of competing against them, right? Which in some environments you are if you think about it. So I think it also depends on any type of job. Like, okay, we worked. We weren't we weren't comp well, yeah, we were competing against other people in the company, like on our teams and stuff, but like I think it depends on your mentality where you're at.

28:15 SPEAKER_00: Like, are you trying to like get somewhere and you'll squash anybody to get there? Or are you content with where you're at in your job and you can care less if you ever get promoted and that was us on like the type of work, you know, like where I work now, it's all based on seniority, so it does not matter how hard you work.

28:36 SPEAKER_01: Right. Because they already have someone picked out, they already know.

28:40 SPEAKER_00: Right. So it it's totally seniority-wise, and so there's it doesn't matter until you get more seniority. There's really nothing I mean, not saying to go in there and like drag your feet around, but right. I've I've worked with both of you guys, so I know that we come from a a generation where work ethic was pounded into us and we go and we do the job and get it done. But um I do also work with a lot of younger people, and some of them are great, and some of them are some of the laziest people I've ever seen.

29:07 SPEAKER_01: Yeah, they just punch in ever.

29:09 SPEAKER_00: And I don't know how they have a job when they're sitting there on their phone like this the whole entire time. That's crazy. And stuff like that. You know what I mean? Like, so I I feel like, you know, I have had that mentality with some people, but here we are, we met at work.

29:25 SPEAKER_03: You know what I mean?

29:26 SPEAKER_00: Like so.

29:28 SPEAKER_02: And we all left at some point, right? We all left that job at some point. Like, I think I first did I leave first or did you guys leave? I don't remember. I transferred. I think I left first and then and then you transferred, and then you Mona left last. Maybe. I think you were still there.

29:49 SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think so. I went to drive a school bus after that. So yeah, yeah.

29:53 SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that was after though. But I still was coming up there though. I still would we were still friends. We still definitely was friends. Yeah.

30:04 SPEAKER_00: So yeah, I mean, I found a lot of friends through work. So I mean whether it was running my own business and meeting clients that turned into friends or working at companies, like I know like this mentality of this person that you can't have work friends, that would have been a Amazon would have been a horrible if you did not have friends. Right. Because how you're in there for hours. Yeah. Oh, how much did we goop and joke around and scare Pam with those animals? The snakes, it wasn't even me, but Pam hates, in case anybody out there wants to know, she don't like snakes.

30:50 SPEAKER_00: She don't do snakes. She will not be on snakes on a plane or any rendition of snakes on a plane or anacon or nope.

30:59 SPEAKER_02: And not even no plastic ones or no no stuffed ones or none of that. They used to chase me around the building with that. Michael, little Michael.

31:06 SPEAKER_00: Some of the guys at work and the girls at work would make uh snakes out of tape, out of the Amazon packing tape, and they would just kind of randomly stick it under things so that if she moved a a tote or a box, it wouldn't be there. She literally almost quit one time.

31:24 SPEAKER_02: I was mad. I think I cursed somebody. This is a fucking bullshit. Right? I think I left that day because I was pissed off.

31:30 SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you were mad that day.

31:32 SPEAKER_02: Yeah.

31:32 SPEAKER_00: But I think they had been messing with you a lot that day. Yes. Somebody I think had just found out you don't like snakes.

31:38 SPEAKER_02: Michael. Little Michael. Michael did it. Yeah, so anyway. So what the little well, he he was a young boy too. He's called me, Mom. Mom. Yep. Mm-hmm.

31:54 SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so this will be another good one for people to um tell us their thoughts on too, as far as you know. So if you're not meeting your friends at work, where are you meeting your friends? Right. That is something that I think would be interesting to discuss in our comments and stuff too. If people want to talk about it, like where are you meeting friends? Because I think that um nowadays you know, we come from a different time period too where you went out and did things more. Right. Like just organically, naturally, like we just met people face to face more.

32:30 SPEAKER_00: So if you're not meeting people face to face, what are you doing to meet people, you know?

32:35 SPEAKER_01: And that's a whole nother topic right there.

32:38 SPEAKER_02: I have friends that I that I when I worked in for GE, and that was like Tyler Shelby in their 30s, so more than 30, 40, 30 years ago, and I'm still friends with them to this day. I'm still friends with them. Leah and Donna. If they're watching this, they know who they are. Leah and Donna and Jesse, just Dion Mitchell, a bunch of people. I'm friends with all of them still to this day. June, Hygood, a lot of people.

33:07 SPEAKER_01: Oh my god, Haygood, yeah. Mm-hmm. Wow.

33:11 SPEAKER_02: Yeah. No, not that Hygood.

33:15 SPEAKER_01: Oh, okay.

33:15 SPEAKER_02: No, her name is June. It's either Hagrid or something. Oh, okay.

33:18 SPEAKER_01: I thought it was the fella from okay. Oh, yeah.

33:21 SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.

33:21 SPEAKER_02: Okay.

33:22 SPEAKER_00: No, I know, right. That's funny. I have no idea who y'all are talking about. Okay. A good name, though.

33:32 SPEAKER_02: Okay, look, okay. We'll tell you off air. Uh-oh. It's not a bad thing. No, it's not a bad thing. You got time, Becky's only five 541. She's trying to leave us, folks. She just wants to be able to do that. Yeah, she's trying to leave us. How about who wants to do the um the ghosting someone? Because I feel like that's a good one.

33:52 SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I thought that would be a good way to wrap up this episode of um so we went, we started off with some relationship drama, and then we went into some what honest take on friendships and then how to meet friends. But what about the bad ones? How do you get rid of them? Um, you ghost them.

34:11 SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so like to me, I I don't I feel like the bad ones will weed themselves out because to me, I'm at the I'm at the F you age. I I don't have to talk to you. I'm like, why are you calling me? Like, didn't we just discuss that we were not talking to each other again? Why are you calling me? Because bad people they make you they make you sick, like physically sick, because there's always something wrong. Like it's like, what the fuck? Like, oh my god, you're calling me again. Like energy that has right, exactly.

34:43 SPEAKER_02: Absolutely. I agree. Because I I I I really don't want to be around people that uh always have a problem. You can't be around somebody who's something something's always a problem. Yeah, because that's it's an that is exhausting, real yes, absolutely, absolutely. It's like, geez, can you be happy?

35:02 SPEAKER_00: From Reddit, it says in the one you're talking about. This is from two years ago. It says instead of ghosting someone, how do you properly end a friendship? This person says, I, 20 female, finally decide to let go of a rather toxic friendship. We've had some genuine good times and have been there for each other during low point, but the past months have been different. I won't go into details, I just know that this isn't a relationship I want to invest in anymore. I know ghosting can be really hurtful.

35:34 SPEAKER_00: An upfront parting might hurt just as much, but be beneficial, though it is a little daunting to me. Do you have do you end up having an entire conversation about it? Do you say a lengthy message and end it there? Do you walk about do you talk about it in person instead? Wouldn't it be awkward? Uh wouldn't it be an awkward meetup for something that might be quite brief? And then she says, Edit, I've been ghosted too, and while it hurt and I had a grieving period, I learned to move on completely.

36:09 SPEAKER_00: I view ghosting as an answer. It is enough closure for me. However, many say how confused and hurt they are by ghosting. And while I don't understand it, I don't want this person ex friend to possibly go through those emotions as well. So, what do y'all think about ghosting?

36:27 SPEAKER_01: I had a situation. I like to talk, usually talk about it and stuff like that, and reiterate it just to give the other person a chance. But at one point, I did have a friend that I had to just ghost because she was so needy, as Pam said, that it's not good. Um, she was so needy that I found myself helping her so much, like in crazy situations, and I put myself too much out there and it wasn't even returned. And and when I would try to highlight it, when it got too real, I would try to highlight it like, Hey, do you recognize that I'm doing this, this, this, this?

37:00 SPEAKER_01: And they would just say, Well, what are you my friend for? Oh, so that I felt a disrespect right there too. Um, going back to one of our other videos, and I just had to, I had to just go ghost because there was no way around it. For me, I felt so it is healthy to do that for yourself sometimes.

37:20 SPEAKER_00: You essentially like did try to talk to the person though, exactly.

37:24 SPEAKER_01: Because I always do, I always do, in my opinion, I always do, but that wasn't it. So for the writer, um, for the person writing the post, um, I think it's healthy to do it sometimes if it's really, really like overwhelming.

37:37 SPEAKER_02: Well, I feel like the per the other person knows that they're being an ass and they're needy and they're just gonna keep on trying you until they get what they as much as they can get out of you before you realize it. And then um, and then when you ghost them, they're not really surprised. They may try to act stupid. Right. Because they've been they've been they thinking they're thinking that they've been acting stupid the whole time. But they may try to make you think that they're not what you're talking about.

38:03 SPEAKER_02: Because no, to be somebody's friend, that doesn't mean you automatically have to pay for this or do this, or you automatically automatically have to show up for this or do this or do that. That doesn't mean that.

38:13 SPEAKER_00: It doesn't mean that at all. No, that person that we're talking about, Becky, sound like a user. Yes, yes.

38:22 SPEAKER_02: But the difference between you, I feel like a person will use you until you realize, wait a fucking minute, you know what I mean? I feel like I feel like a person will use you until until that, until they find out that. I feel like our difference is we can go out and I can pay for something because maybe the maybe y'all were somewhere else and the waiter came and we gotta close this tab out and I'll pay for it, and then we'll we might be slightly inebriated. And somebody said, Go pay for the damn bill.

38:54 SPEAKER_02: And I was like, Oh, I did. They was like, bitch, I'm gonna send you money because that's how we are. We're friends like that. And we've always paid for every bill everywhere every time. Always! Always, we never ever walked out on anything ever. Because the waitress didn't come back to the table. Never did that.

39:17 SPEAKER_00: We've been friends a long time, it hasn't been any time lately. Some of the comments say uh to move on. Because personally, I prefer to just drift off. It takes it makes it so much easier. But if if they don't get the memo or such, I'll have a conversation. Mind you, it doesn't always go right. I like explaining things and letting them know that it isn't personal, but that's probably best if we just went separate ways because the friendship feels more heavy than beneficial. Last time though, she ended up just going silent, but I wished her good luck.

39:51 SPEAKER_00: I also have ghosted someone before, truthfully, it was awful, and I still think about him from time to time because of how awful it felt. It was like a big F you to our friendship. Of course, some people feel better with ghosting, but personally it wasn't that great.

40:07 SPEAKER_02: I ghosted someone, Becky knows who it is, that I actually was in love with, and I ghosted that person because it wasn't good for my mental. And don't think every now and then I don't think about it, because I do. But it's not good for it's not good for my mental and my physical. Might be good for my physical, but not my mental.

40:28 SPEAKER_01: All right now. Um we're gonna take this piece out and we're gonna go in and um yeah. Mona, do your thing.

40:37 SPEAKER_02: But I'm just saying that no, I'm just saying, no, it's okay because he's cool like that, but uh, it's okay. Um I feel I just feel like sometimes you just have to just stop talking to people. Especially if it mentally, if it's mentally exhausting and draining you or whatever, um, I feel like you don't call them. Just don't call them. If they call you, let them let it go to voicemail. Yeah, just let it go to voicemail. It goes to voicemail, they leave a message. After a while, they'll get the message.

41:07 SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it might be two years later, but they'll still get it. Listen, when they're talking to themselves out of the night, like I've been calling you. How come you're not calling me back? You still don't call them back. I'm not calling you back to tell you why I'm not calling you back. Because I used to answer your phone call all the time. Now I'm not. Well we do think you don't have the option to block people either. Yeah, but I feel like I want you to I want you to um leave a message and I want you to feel like because if they if you block them, they know you blocked them.

41:33 SPEAKER_02: So I feel like I want you to call and leave a message because I want you to leave that message because I'm never going to call you back.

41:39 SPEAKER_00: Sometimes though, blocking is out of sight, out of mind, and then it's just like it's gone. Well, most most of the comments agree but with you know giving the the person an option at least talking it out to some extent and then ghosting if necessary. This person says being adult means talking things out good or bad. There are very few instances when ghosting is warranted. Be an adult, tell them you don't want to continue with the friendship and why, and wish them well. If your mind is set on ending it, let them know you're not open to discussing it further as it won't change your mind.

42:14 SPEAKER_00: That person's very cut and dry.

42:16 SPEAKER_02: I'm not open to discussing it further and it won't change my mind. Bye, click! It's only 550, Becky. Okay, I got you got five minutes. You said five, you said five minutes. You got five minutes.

42:29 SPEAKER_00: Well, this other person said this is all I want to do.

42:31 SPEAKER_02: Say it in Spanish, say it in Spanish, Becky.

42:41 SPEAKER_02: No, I was messing with her. I said she got five minutes, she can say whatever she has to say in Spanish because it's real, that's real fast.

42:48 SPEAKER_00: Oh, I was saying this uh this person responded to that guy that said this to be an adult and say it says, This is all I want, but no one will give you that. What what is love if when it comes to to a head, you can't even do this for a person? It makes me so sad, I guess, because I am on the receiving end right now. Wow.

43:07 SPEAKER_02: Man, pull your pants up and shut up because uh if you to me, you're doing something for yourself. I'm sorry that you're on the receiving end. I didn't mean to say it like that, but I'm sorry you're on the receiving end. But but dude, you have to do what makes you happy. You can't you can't tell somebody to act a certain way. Maybe them ghosting is their way of dealing with it. Right. Yeah. You can't, I can't make you act a certain way. You can't make me act away a certain way. I can't make you, I can't make you act or feel a certain way.

43:34 SPEAKER_02: Life is life, is life. It is life. Yep. I'm just on the I mean, it sounds like I'm really hard, but I'm I'm kind of soft. I have always been known for being hard, but I'm really kind of a softie.

43:48 SPEAKER_02: Becky. I really am kind of not all the time. I mean, but for the most part, I'm sympathetic to certain things. But some things I just feel like, what the fuck's wrong with you? What the hell are you going for? So you I don't love him. He fucking told you he don't love you. So what buy a clue? Go buy a clue. He said no. So what you gonna make him and then and then you're gonna get what you get.

44:13 SPEAKER_00: Like, come on. I mean, I think that when you're in the throes of it and your emotions are in it, like you, you know, you're just hoping that the person will want you as much as you want them or whatever.

44:24 SPEAKER_01: So you gotta take a step back and kind of you know sort it out a few not too long, don't take too long, and then honey.

44:31 SPEAKER_02: I will have a different person in a minute. I ain't stay with nobody who don't want me. Period. And I mean that shit.

44:39 SPEAKER_00: I think I think I think with age comes wisdom though, and comes you know, a stronger cutoff game and stuff. So yes, right.

44:51 SPEAKER_02: I tell you this forever, and I've said this a million times. My son said, Mom, you got the strongest cutoff game I have ever seen in my entire life. You are you worse than a man. Better recognize uh uh uh-uh, because I feel like why? I mean, it's I'm not saying that when I was younger and I was in love with somebody, not even younger, older, in love with somebody I didn't want to let go, but the signs were there. I didn't want to let go, but the signs were there, and then finally one day I was just like, What the fuck is wrong with you?

45:24 SPEAKER_02: Like wrong with you, you stupid. Don't take too long. That's the only thing that we don't tell you. That's the thing, too, because the person doesn't even have to treat you like shit. Like that person didn't treat me like shit.

45:35 SPEAKER_01: If it happens several times, don't take, don't wait for it to happen the tenth time.

45:39 SPEAKER_02: Right. I mean, yeah, that person didn't treat me like shit. That person just wasn't in it like I was in it, and he didn't treat me bad, he didn't do none of that.

45:48 SPEAKER_00: It just that what this is making me think, and what I kind of want to say that kind of wrap up this like friendship episode too is that if you are like cutting off um say a friendship for whatever reason, you know, hopefully you and that friend can be the bigger person because um I'm sure you both have a lot of secrets between each other that you wouldn't want other people knowing that when you were friends you were sharing that in confidence with somebody that you thought you could really trust.

46:17 SPEAKER_00: And I think that the best way you could really honor ending that friendship is to keep that shit to yourself and uh be mature and go out there and like spread their information that they wouldn't want people to have.

46:30 SPEAKER_02: I feel like kids do that. That's good. You're right about that too, because I feel like kids do that. Adults don't do that, yeah. That's like giving advice, very good advice, but that's true because I feel like I feel like kids don't do that, kids don't do that. Adults, I mean, I'm I'm sorry, adults don't do that. Mostly kids don't kids do that. Um, because I have I know a lot of people's business. I can't remember that shit, no matter. But I'm not telling nothing. I don't care if we if we're not friends, we're just not friends.

46:59 SPEAKER_02: But I see you when one be you. I'm not telling your business, period. Bye diva. Bye diva. She's like, bye bye, see y'all, gotta go. Happy birthday. She's off on another adventure. Yeah, but I feel like um, I feel like there are ways to do things, there are ways to um end friendships, but in my quest and and at the young age that I am now, I ain't explaining shit. Because first of all, you we kind of already know that something's not right. If we're not talking to each other like we used to, then you know there's something there.

47:36 SPEAKER_02: Something is wrong. So if you feel like you don't want to talk to me or tell me whatever it is, and you want to keep it like that, I'm gonna respect your wishes and I'm not gonna talk to you either. I'm not gonna talk about you either, but I'm not gonna talk to you either. I'll just let leave it like it is, and I'm not gonna wait four or five years later and then go, hey, you know what? What happened, such and such? No, it's over.

47:57 SPEAKER_00: Well, um I know that we have um a variety of ages of listeners, so I don't want to pretend that everybody feels the same that we do. So I'm just trying to reach out there to all the different age groups and just be like, you know, let's let's try and be adults and end it properly. You know? And the thing too is that just go about your way and let bygones be bygones, and for whatever reason it didn't work out for you guys, just that's fine, but you know, there's no reason to drag somebody through the mud, you know.

48:33 SPEAKER_02: And you're right, because I also have grandkids too, so I would want to give my grandkids um some of the right advice too, not to be as cutoffish as I am, have a little sympathy for whatever. And if you did something wrong, take ownership of it, take ownership of what you did. Hey, I know maybe this is the end of our friendship, and I know what I did or what I said was wrong, and I apologize and I respect whatever decision you make regarding our friendship, and then move on and don't mess with the person.

49:03 SPEAKER_02: Let them come to you if you value your their friendship, let them come back to you and say, I don't like that you did this. Please don't do that again. Right. And then be done with it.

49:14 SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because I mean sometimes too, it just maybe you need a break from the friendship. And especially, you know, maybe like that. Maybe they're younger, maybe they need to mature, maybe they need to go out and experience some things in life, and maybe they do have a friendship that will last, but they have to, you know, right take some time apart. You know, maybe they'll come back together in the in the future. So anyway, I thought it was an interesting episode to talk about relationships in a friendship kind of way, because I think that those breakups can be harder sometimes, even, you know, than just a a regular breakup with say a spouse or you know, somebody significant other.

49:56 SPEAKER_02: Yeah. Yeah. That's true. Absolutely. Well, um, this is the time where we say comment and we will, as you can see, we will reply back and we may read your story, and we will change to change the names to protect the innocent, um, subscribe, share, and tells on. It's all free. All free.

50:22 SPEAKER_00: You can email us at the number four distracted divas at gmail.com if you want us to read your email. Just let us know if you want to stay anonymous and we'll do that for you guys.

50:34 SPEAKER_02: That's right. And if you want to see what we're laughing about, you have to watch us because it is it is quite funny.

50:43 SPEAKER_00: All right. Peace out, divas. Peace out, divas.

50:46 SPEAKER_02: Till next time.