DDs Episode 17: Reddit Drama to Medical Waste: Diva Edition 💅

0:07 SPEAKER_02: We're happy to have you guys back. How are you? Good, good. It's been a great weekend. Yes. Absolutely. Awesome. Awesome. We are ready to jump into some Reddit's and we are very curious and would love for you guys to give us some feedback, comments, and share some of your own stuff.

0:25 SPEAKER_03: Right. So we're gonna do Reddit's relationship advice. We love that. I have a Reddit from five hours ago. Pretty fresh, fresh, fresh, fresh. And we are filming on 4th of July weekend, so let's see what it has to say. Uh the guy, male 23, I've female 23 been dating, yelled at me because my bikini accidentally slipped. I'm struggling to understand if it's just communication issues or something more. Need outside perspectives. Yesterday on the 4th of July, the guy, 23 male, I've been seeing for about four months, and I, 23 female, got into an argument that has left me feeling really confused and hurt.

1:05 SPEAKER_03: We've had disagreements before, but this situation felt different, and I'm struggling to understand whether I'm missing something or if our communication styles are just very incompatible. The day started off great. It was my first time meeting and hanging out with his friends, so I was already feeling a little nervous. On the drive there, he made a comment telling me not to do anything disrespectful. I told him I wouldn't and added that if he knew me well enough, he'd know I would never intentionally do something like that.

1:36 SPEAKER_03: Later in the afternoon, I was swimming in the lake with some of his friends' girlfriends. When I got out of the water, I was about to adjust my bikini top when he looked at me and asked, What's wrong with you? I was confused and he told me that part of my breast was exposed. I genuinely had no idea. I was facing him, not his friends, and was literally in the process of adjusting my top when he pointed it out. I immediately fixed it, apologized, and explained that it was an accident. Instead of ending there, it turned into a much bigger argument.

2:06 SPEAKER_03: He kept asking what was wrong with me and saying I was being disrespectful. I kept telling him it wasn't intentional and that I would never purposely do something like that. I ended up crying because I felt awful and embarrassed. What really confused me was that he wanted me to explain how I would prevent this from ever happening again in the future. I can't be quiet.

2:27 SPEAKER_02: You see my face?

2:28 SPEAKER_03: Do you see my face? This is I could never, but go ahead. I can't read it with a straight face. Since it was an accident, I didn't even really know how to answer that. Afterward, his friend took us out on the boat, and while we were there, he told me that he loves me and that the situation upset him because he cares about me so much. Oh later that night, he told me he doesn't think I care about him as much as he cares about me. He said my words are nice to hear, but that my actions don't match them.

2:59 SPEAKER_03: He feels very attached to me and doesn't think I feel the same way. The thing is, I do care about him deeply. I have strong feelings for him, but our communication often feels difficult. After this argument, I felt incredibly defeated. Instead of feeling closer to him, I felt like my confidence and happiness were being chipped away. I can't I can't stop thinking that no matter what I say or do, I will never feel like enough for him. Am I missing something here? Was his reaction reasonable? How would you handle this situation moving forward?

3:32 SPEAKER_02: Okay, who's gonna go first? And who's gonna say it?

3:34 SPEAKER_03: Let's just okay. They're both 23, male and female. Okay, and they've been dating for four months.

3:40 SPEAKER_02: Four months? I didn't even get that one. Who's gonna say who's going first? Because I'm done. Girl, if you don't get that this man is trying to manipulate you how he wants to, control you, huh? Control, he's trying to control her, manipulate control because she already feels bad and she don't even know why. If it doesn't make sense, that means it it's not it. If the if whatever he got mad at is not adding up or making sense to you, girls, ladies out there, even guys, sometimes because girls do it.

4:09 SPEAKER_02: It ain't it, it ain't nothing. It's because we're trying to mold you into it's only four months, too. By the way, he's trying to mold her to get her just right to how he wants her to be. He wants her to be on edge, worried about making him happy all the time, and then he controls with the I love you, I care a lot, I can't be without you. Boy, bye, like Pam said.

4:29 SPEAKER_01: Take it or leave it.

4:30 SPEAKER_02: That's you got me messed up, totally or leave it. Listen, this is like the auntie uh advice that we're doing here, right?

4:38 SPEAKER_01: She probably is a good looking person, and I recall having this conversation with someone we won't mention. She probably was a good looking person, and he was pissed off because people were looking at her.

4:48 SPEAKER_02: You looked at her, mind you, he's she said that.

4:52 SPEAKER_02: She's more insecure.

4:54 SPEAKER_01: She said it wasn't even her way, the way of the other people, it was just facing him. So he gets to get a nice little shell, dumbass. You know what I mean? Like, you don't act like that. No, you know, like you can say, hey, yeah, you know, okay, things happen when you're in the water. Water pushes things around sometimes. I don't care who you are, I don't care what size you are. Water does things. Sometimes your boobies will show. Sometimes your your your gonads will show.

5:20 SPEAKER_02: You know, things happen when you're having fun.

5:22 SPEAKER_01: Right.

5:23 SPEAKER_02: So the girl listens to this podcast. And he did too much.

5:29 SPEAKER_01: I feel like he did too much.

5:30 SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think we all manipulate and she doesn't know.

5:34 SPEAKER_01: I the the thing that kills me, and I again we have to take into the fact that they're 20s is I love him. Why? He doesn't even sound like a lovable person.

5:45 SPEAKER_02: No, what is he doing in the four months? What is he doing?

5:48 SPEAKER_03: That he told her he loves her, or he cares about her. And cleared. He said she loved him too. I don't think that they talked about love, did they? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He said, okay, he told me he loves me, and the situation upset him because he cares about me so much. Oh, yeah, so much. Oh my god. So much and then he told her he doesn't think I care about him as much as he cares about me. There you go.

6:12 SPEAKER_02: There's a manipulation right there. There's the roo right there.

6:15 SPEAKER_03: Gaslighting.

6:16 SPEAKER_02: If you know, you know. Listen, we've lived it, we went through it a million times, probably.

6:20 SPEAKER_01: You don't love me, get out of here with that. Well, I don't love you because my baby suit had a myth. Right. What does that have to do with my heart? That's my baby, idiot.

6:28 SPEAKER_03: Right. Because I mean, I see never mind the fact this she writes us all from the perspective of worry about what he was thinking. Yes, never mind that maybe she was embarrassed, right?

6:39 SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean? Right. He already got her halfway there because she's already worried about what he thinks and she's upset, and she's like, How can I make this better for you? Like, how can I make him happy? Listen, you don't have to. How about you shut down, girl? Because you don't have no reason to be worried about it. He's the one that has to worry. Take it or leave it. How about you say that? Take it if anything, if anything, sir. What you could have done is you could have helped her. You could have stayed quiet about it instead of making it a big deal.

7:05 SPEAKER_02: Nobody would have done it. So you could have took your shirt and covered it. Right. You he shouldn't stay quiet. Nobody would pick up boom, boo. Right. You know, yeah.

7:16 SPEAKER_02: I wish I was there.

7:17 SPEAKER_03: You know, go like this. Hey, I know, right? Uh she should have just been like, Oh, really? Right, that's it. That would have been me. That would have been me.

7:26 SPEAKER_01: This was an accident. That would have been me. Wait, but wait, break you, right? You don't like that it was an accident happen if I pull it off. Yeah. What are you gonna do now?

7:34 SPEAKER_02: I bet you that won't happen now with like the one girl that you said you gave it my suit. What? What? Try me now.

7:40 SPEAKER_03: Try try me now. Try me now. Well, and then so like, and towards the end, the thing the thing is, she says, the thing is, I care about him deeply. I have strong feelings for him, but our communication often feels difficult. At four months, your communication often feels difficult. Like at four months, you should still be like, like in the what you still in the front stages, yeah.

8:00 SPEAKER_02: Yeah, funny.

8:02 SPEAKER_03: I don't know what you would call something like the beginning stages of a relationship.

8:05 SPEAKER_02: Listen, girl, if you're listening, just enjoy it while it lasts. Honey, I'm sorry.

8:11 SPEAKER_01: At four months, like later when he when you really get to know one another. I mean, he's showing you who he is immediately. Yes, he's in the PR.

8:18 SPEAKER_02: But you know what, though the curling ladies, we're forgetting one thing. Um, people in their 20s now, the way we're living, they move so fast. It's like they feel like they have to get everything done right away, which is why they move at four months talking all this. Yeah, like I had to bring him in there. Tito, the French burrito.

8:41 SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's Tia.

8:42 SPEAKER_02: Wow, she got Tia. Oh, she looks big, he's huge. Tia, he's a big girl. Tia, he is, he is, yeah. Tia. She heard her name. There you go. Yeah, but yeah, you know, the young the young generation now, they they move so fast, and and yeah, things happen like this and end like this. It's like a microwave thing, everything's quick.

9:06 SPEAKER_03: You know why? Because like that is not a good relationship.

9:09 SPEAKER_02: People don't focus on what needs to happen in the first four months.

9:12 SPEAKER_01: So how about this? If if you don't feel right after a conversation, if you feel like I didn't do anything wrong, but I feel bad, then you know it's time to go. Right.

9:22 SPEAKER_02: When you feel like you have to work so hard at four months to prove to a guy, honey, that's it. Like it wasn't it as much as you want it to be. Don't force it because it's good, you're gonna have the next few four months are gonna be just as bad or worse.

9:37 SPEAKER_03: Yeah, progressively worse because he's already trying, like Pam said, to control her.

9:41 SPEAKER_02: Yep, and like that would be and he already knows he can because she already gave in. I'm sorry, yeah. She already gave in.

9:49 SPEAKER_01: I always said you saw my boob and you didn't come and help me. Right, there you go. Okay, that's how it should have gone. That would have surprised that would have surprised him. Like, what? And then he had the nerve to raise his voice at her.

10:00 SPEAKER_02: Because remember, he cares, he cares so much, right?

10:03 SPEAKER_01: You can't do that in front of people. That's not nice.

10:06 SPEAKER_02: No, he cares so much about her, so he could have cared enough to cover it, tell her quietly, not not say what is wrong with you, making her look crazy, like she's crazy or something.

10:16 SPEAKER_01: Well, that's what that's the manipulating part, making feel bad, making her feel bad, so he can be he can have his chest stuck out because other people aren't doing nothing to me, as far as I'm concerned. Other people aren't doing anything but looking at him like what the hell is your problem doing? Yeah, half of the women have problems on at the beach. Half of them don't I mean that that's it is what it is, half of them don't have nothing on. That's right. He showed a little bit of boob, and you have she didn't show it, it accidentally happened.

10:42 SPEAKER_01: You got an attitude, man.

10:44 SPEAKER_02: Boy, but life is short, ladies and gentlemen. Bye-bye. Bye boy, life is short. Please, please recognize the the the things ahead of time.

10:53 SPEAKER_01: I feel like people should be single. I feel like women in their 20s should be should try being single just for a little while. Just try being single, try living your life.

11:03 SPEAKER_02: Some of them do, some of them do, you know. They just get swept up.

11:08 SPEAKER_03: So if you find a good one, keep them. Of course.

11:11 SPEAKER_02: But uh because that's what everybody does. Yeah, eight. We approve some. We all approve. Yes, yes. But that's what a lot of girls do, um, or guys. They they try to be, you know, but then they meet that one person that sweeps them off the feet, and you know, you speak around those ages, you want to share time and life together and let's call it moments.

11:30 SPEAKER_01: It ain't sweep them off the feet, it's having that and it and it having sex, and it's probably something that they've never had before. It's an attachment. So so now they're they think they're in love with that. So that's what it that's all it is. This first comment um it happens to adults as well.

11:46 SPEAKER_03: Uh this first comment says, You've only been dating four months, and this guy is already a parade of red flags. Yeah, and it's so they have all these little red flags as their bullets. It says, Red flag, assuming you would do something disrespectful, right? Red flag, lecturing you like a child, like you're a child. Red flag, insinuating you intentionally cause a swimsuit malfunction. Right, right, uh refusing to believe you entirely re wait, refusing to believe your entirely reasonable explanation, right?

12:18 SPEAKER_03: Yelling at you, right escalating the situation, and then let's go long after the situation was resolved, berating you to the point of tears. I mean, let's not she started crying. It's crazy, trying to placate you with empty love declarations, accusing you of not caring about him enough, and blaming you for his irrational behavior. Two more, taking zero responsibility for any of his own actions, and chipping away at your sense of security and self-esteem in a calculated, malicious, and manipulative manner, which is exactly what you two were saying.

12:54 SPEAKER_03: Yes, and this person says, Girl, seriously, cut him loose and don't look back.

12:58 SPEAKER_01: You deserve someone who respects you and makes you feel safe. Wait bye bye, wait bye bye to him. Bye-bye.

13:05 SPEAKER_02: I mean, listen, relationship advice is something we'll always do. Maybe we'll do it once a month or whatever the case, because there's so much to unpack. And and a lot of a lot of kids out here don't know. They don't know, they're new to all this stuff, so they need to kind of, you know.

13:19 SPEAKER_01: But you're right, because and the the big thing is all three of us have daughters, all three of us are three different ages. So our daughters are three different ages, they're three different ages, three different types of people. So the more advice we can give them and other women around, because all your children are my children, my children are your children. That's how we roll. Any young lady that we can help, let the to let them know you don't have to take this. This is not this relationship, it is not healthy already.

13:52 SPEAKER_01: Four months is not healthy, not healthy at all.

13:54 SPEAKER_03: Better to get out right now.

13:55 SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yep, you know, then you'll you'll look back a year later, a year or two later, because he he kept doing stuff and saying sorry again and again and again and again. Or no, no, no, no, don't waste your life.

14:06 SPEAKER_01: Life is short, or not saying sorry, because he can do something and not say sorry and think that you should be the one who already got her thinking she's wrong. So yeah, yeah, it rocks.

14:17 SPEAKER_03: This person says, over a very common bathing suit slip, too. Good god, if that happened to me, my husband would be giggling. I can't imagine being berated to tears over it. His maturity as well. He's immature, yes.

14:30 SPEAKER_01: Yeah, absolutely.

14:32 SPEAKER_03: My my husband would have wrapped me in a towel, he knows how embarrassed I get, and tell me how much he enjoyed the view, but maybe we should fix it. His whole goal would be to help me not die of embarrassment.

14:42 SPEAKER_01: I love her husband is on point.

14:45 SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah. Um, this person says keyword help, not torment. Right. OP being in bathing suit means you're having a good time, a great day, not at work. He ruined a good time on purpose. Your 20s are supposed to be fun and light, and finding the very best kind of partner. He is the worst kind. Keep going and let that be a lesson to controllers.

15:09 SPEAKER_01: I feel like um we should have some men come on here and speak on that as well, because men can help. Because we all have men of different ages as well, friends or whatever. Um, we should we should have a man come in here and and kind of give little bullet points to females, younger females and older, whatever, girl dads, of what to look for and what not to look for. If they say this, then you need to run. If they do this, then you need to stay. If they do this and they're consistently doing the same thing and consistently apologizing, it's time to go.

15:41 SPEAKER_01: And that's vice versa. Women are men, it's time to go.

15:44 SPEAKER_03: I think that that one is pretty um pretty clear cut. I mean, uh, there's obviously nobody in the comments that's saying stay with that guy. I I just hope for that girl's sake, I mean, that she, you know, goes ahead and and um takes the advice.

16:02 SPEAKER_02: I mean, she probably the girl felt like she had to go on social to get that. So that means she probably, and I hope not, doesn't have anyone to really guide her and tell her anything. A lot of us ladies out here, not me, but a lot of ladies don't have someone.

16:16 SPEAKER_01: But the thing is too, is that maybe she was maybe she was afraid to tell her parents or family members because they probably would have kicked his ass. So maybe she wanted to get advice from somebody else before she well.

16:27 SPEAKER_02: The thing is, her not knowing uh even that as a flag doesn't it says a lot about who actually she has around that she doesn't pick up on it. No, because you can't listen. My oldest, my oldest they hide stuff like crazy. Well, yeah, that could be, but my oldest, that would never happen. That would never happen to my oldest. She'll come and tell me the joke on how she tore his ass up.

16:50 SPEAKER_01: No, she I know she will too. You know, my yeah, you know, she will too. She'll be like, Ma, guess what? She'll be like, Ma, sit down, guess what? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Um, well, I never had to worry about that with mine because she was like a little terror.

17:08 SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's it's about you gotta, you know, but she probably doesn't know, which is why she came on and she was, you know, five hours ago. She she she came on to seek, you know, some advice, and I'm glad everybody agreed.

17:19 SPEAKER_03: But the good thing about five hours ago, I'm hoping he's reading these and taking it to heart. Right.

17:26 SPEAKER_01: Well, it took some it took something for her to actually write it. She had to knew it wasn't this is not normal. She must she had to be thinking to herself, like, this is not normal. Like, she might have parents who never argue. Well, I mean, people argue that you just then hear them, but who not who doesn't do that in front of her? Her father doesn't disrespect her mother, her mother doesn't disrespect her father, or whatever.

17:45 SPEAKER_03: My therapist will tell sometimes too, like, with like showing my emotions of grief, right? Like, because sometimes I don't want to show it to other people, and she's like, especially your your kids or your grandkid or whatever, and she's like, you know, it's not always healthy to hold those things in, even in arguments. Like, sometimes it's healthier to show them those things so that they know it's normal to have those feelings. Right. So, how do you deal with them when you do have those feelings, or how do you deal like when you're you're not always gonna get along or agree with other people?

18:19 SPEAKER_03: So, how do you how do you react and how do you like come to you know, maybe a compromise or agree to disagree, whatever the situation may be, you know? How do you guys like get through that? Do you yell and scream at each other? Do you ice each other out? Do you sit and communicate? Do you walk away? You know, whatever it is, like so you know, it is good that you do show those emotions in a healthy way to the kids and things looking up to you so that they can learn how to navigate that in their own lives.

18:51 SPEAKER_01: And it's not and the key word is healthy, a healthy way. Screaming and hollering is not healthy. If you go outside and scream because you just want to release something, and you're not screaming at someone and you're just screaming to get off whatever is on your chest that's bottled up, that's healthy to me because they're like, Okay, mom's just having a moment, she's fine. Like, we uh we know she's just having a moment, she's fine. There's nothing mentally wrong with you, you're just releasing because because a tragic is a tragedy is a tragedy, and how you how you deal with it is your personal way of dealing with it.

19:26 SPEAKER_01: And if you want to incorporate your family into it, uh um, or if if you want to say, Hey, you might hear me scream, but I'm fine, there's nothing wrong with me, I'm just releasing some pressure, right? So, and then you do it, and then they're okay because they're not like, oh my god, oh my god, what's wrong, what's wrong? They're not afraid. And then you stop, they can do it because nowadays we didn't know how to do that. Our parents didn't show us how to um how to grieve, how to do this. They just if you if you're doing something, they slap you in the face, like what the hell are you slapping me for?

19:56 SPEAKER_01: Why are you acting like that? Like, because I'm fucking sad. For real. You know, you don't say that because then you would be dead, but you know, but it's just like they didn't teach you how to grieve. I feel like my father, my father was a great person as far as teaching me how to grieve. My mother sucked at it, but my father was really good, like he let you grieve. It wasn't he wasn't the father that came over there and gave you a hug, like, don't worry about it, baby. It's all right. He's like, You gonna cry?

20:23 SPEAKER_01: Go ahead and cry. That's how he went. Go ahead. Right. So I feel wipe your face.

20:27 SPEAKER_02: Yeah, she should definitely let that go, it's gonna hurt. Take your time, girl, and just be cautious of those flags that pop up in the next one.

20:36 SPEAKER_03: Yes, you live and you learn. Yeah, final thought on that is like if this is how he acted over something that is so little, yes. Imagine how this is gonna escalate. Yeah, and imagine how the control is gonna escalate. Yes, yeah, she's already walking on eggshells at four months over something petty. She her self-esteem, her self-worth, everything is going to be totally iced out, gone, yeah, if she stays with this guy. It's already fun, it's already going down. Yes, you know, and she's putting her value on what this guy thinks.

21:08 SPEAKER_02: Yes, you're young, girl. You're young, you don't want to end up having procreating with this man.

21:13 SPEAKER_01: But the whole thing, then listen, the whole thing, too, is like as you get older and you look back, you're like, that M Effer was manipulating like a like dang, how did I stay in that shit?

21:24 SPEAKER_02: The quicker you know, the quicker, the better it is.

21:26 SPEAKER_01: Because a lot of people think that people hide stuff so well that a lot of people are like, Oh, that person is such a good person, and oh my god. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, he tearing your ass up.

21:36 SPEAKER_02: You just ain't nobody, and then and then he'll tell you it's because they care. Yeah.

21:42 SPEAKER_01: Eat this and then go to sleep. How about it?

21:44 SPEAKER_02: I care too. If it was me, I care so much, I go right back at him too. Right. You know, we both care a whole lot.

21:50 SPEAKER_01: Right. How about you, Becky? We both care a whole lot because if you think that's gonna happen, you better ask somebody. You you have the the good thing is that once you get a little older and you look for red flags. You know, you you know, this person might be gorgeous and fun, but they have that little thing that you can't you go like I wouldn't ever date an alcoholic again. You might say, Oh, I only have a couple of drinks, and you're watching this tearing the drinks up, and then they progressively getting meaner and meaner, and you're like, Yeah, there's a lot of flags to look for.

22:19 SPEAKER_02: You go home, pack your shit and go. Bye. Yeah, there's your there's your non-negotiables, and you gotta know that as well. That goes.

22:24 SPEAKER_01: That's a non-negotiable for me. I don't care if you have like you can intoxicate and you're having fun. Oh, it is what it is, but you consistently doing it, and then you're getting mad, and then you're trying to justify that. Boy, bye, you got two times dumb done. You could be intoxicated, but you don't have to be mean about it.

22:41 SPEAKER_02: Yeah, definitely step back and look at what's happened. I'm sure this is not the first time. This one was probably on full display, but she said something. What'd you say, Mona?

22:50 SPEAKER_03: Dog always she's chewing the curtain tie back. Ooh, sorry, y'all. A little bit had to walk away for a minute. I was I thought she had one of her dog toys, and then I realized she had one of my things.

23:02 SPEAKER_02: So all in all, just be why be aware of your of the flags, your non-negotiables, and if you're young, don't waste time on something that's not worth it. Right. There's plenty, there's plenty of fish in seat, and they are biting. And we wish you very well if you're listening to us, whether it's you or any girls out there that are happening similar things, maybe in a similar situation.

23:24 SPEAKER_03: Yeah.

23:24 SPEAKER_01: You can actually write us and um send us a message anonymous. You don't have to put your name, you can put I have this or my friend, a friend of a friend, blah, blah, blah. Any of you. And if you want, uh if you need somebody to respond to you, we will be happy to respond to you. Any of us, any of our social media, yes. A lot of the stuff that we're laughing about, we're saying and fun, but there's some truth, there's some truth to a lot of it, but we're not gonna give you any advice that says go stab somebody in the eye, obviously.

23:52 SPEAKER_01: No, you know, we're not gonna give you some advice that's gonna um that's gonna scream and holler. You know, what'd you say about it?

24:00 SPEAKER_03: So we will, but we'll laugh about it.

24:04 SPEAKER_02: You don't have to do it, but I'm just saying, you know. You you were in my house. If anything happened, you were in my house. We were having Sunday dinner. You gotta explore all your options. We ate spaghetti with uh salad and whatever.

24:18 SPEAKER_01: Right. Right? Oh my god, I'm dying, I'm dead. Well, I'm not taking none of that. I'm just seriously, like I'm talking to it. Who are you talking to? Right. But some of there's some people that are not and you start acting like that, boy, who are you talking to? First of all, I'm packing, so you ain't gotta never worry about me being scared. Everybody's different. Oh no, yeah. Where are you going? I'm going out of here. But I would already have had my like once you start acting like a damn fool, don't think I'm like, I gotta go to the bathroom, I'll be back, you know.

24:48 SPEAKER_01: Like, I'll be doing it during times you don't think, and I'm getting my together. And I'm unlocking some doors where I am. So if I gotta go out this door, I'm going. Because you're I'm not staying there. You ain't gonna see me no again because I got mafia brothers and sisters, okay? Play with me.

25:04 SPEAKER_02: So, yes, and then we'll we'll definitely down the line be doing a a cast on DV and all that stuff and the signs, and and we'll have some people on that that will kind of guide and give pointers and resources. So, most definitely. Um, this is an end never end topic. Yes, for sure.

25:22 SPEAKER_03: Well, and like I feel like um if you're out there and you feel alone and you feel like you don't have anybody to talk to, like you could always talk to us. Like we would, you know, we're all available, you know. We yes, we joke around and we're gonna joke around. That's just how we are. But that's that is your life. You gotta throw that humor in there because life is too tough to be serious all the time. It'll drive you nuts if you don't. Yep, it'll beat you down if you're serious all the time. You gotta laugh.

25:48 SPEAKER_03: So, um, all right, y'all ready to move on to the next one? I found one from uh three days ago. So this one is called uh let's see, not called anything, but my 32 male husband of five years, they've been together for seven, may have single-handedly imploded not just our marriage, but my she's a 38 female career, and we and the life we built together didn't see this coming. To start, names and locations from my posts have been altered to protect the privacy of others. I, 37 female, met my current husband, 32 male, in 2018 while we were working in the same office.

26:26 SPEAKER_03: We got close during COVID lockdown, got engaged, and married in 2021. This is the second marriage for both of us. We both grew up dirt poor and experienced things no child should have to experience. In a lot of ways, we trauma bonded. He was the first person I truly felt I could be myself with. Everything felt easy together. We shared so many of the same interests, and every day I felt lucky that I found him. During the tail end of lockdown, we took advantage of the low interest rates and bought a brand new house together.

26:55 SPEAKER_03: Not just any house, um, and new build. Neither of us had ever lived Pam, what are you doing?

27:05 SPEAKER_03: Focus over there. Come on. Distracting. Distracted.

27:10 unknown: Okay, okay.

27:11 SPEAKER_03: Where was I? Um neither of us had ever mentioned something like that before, and it felt like we were breaking generational cycles. It was big enough to expand our family. We did it all on our own. We don't have big families to help us, so we were incredibly proud of what we built. Fast forward to 2023. We have our first child child together. There were things were great for a while, and then I started to feel a shift. I can't tell you exactly what changed or pinpoint a specific moment, but it became the constant walking on eggshells feeling.

27:42 SPEAKER_03: For context, he was raised in South Texas and I was raised in upstate New York. He says our parenting styles are different, and he wants our son raised more like people in the South. Part of that includes me becoming a stay-at-home mom. He knew before we got together that I'd never wanted that. I was previously married for 10 years and share an 18-year-old son with my ex-husband. My ex was physically and verbally abusive. I wasn't allowed to work, have my own credit card, or even have my own car.

28:08 SPEAKER_03: I was granted a three-year PFA against them. What's a PFA? Personal what? Some kind of I'd have to look that up. Sorry, we're reading these colds, so I don't even know what that is. Maybe somebody can tell us. Um, it has to be some kind of like protection order, maybe? Some type of restriction, I'm sure. Yeah. Um, my current husband knew all of that, but after we had our son, something changed. Being put in a situation that even remotely resembles my previous marriage is incredibly triggering for me.

28:37 SPEAKER_03: I never want to be in that position again where I'm financially or emotionally tracked. I don't think I'll ever be able to trust another person a hundred percent because of what I've been through. Currently, my husband works two jobs, and I work two jobs. On top of preparing to send my oldest to college this fall and raising our three-year-old, life has been overwhelming. My husband's main job took a huge hit this year, and his hours were cut in half, so money has been extremely tight. We barely see each other outside of maybe 30 minutes on weekdays.

29:04 SPEAKER_03: We've tried to make time for date nights, but we don't have a village, so everything falls on us. Two days ago, oh okay. You see magic protected PFA protected from abuse. Protection protection from abuse. Okay, so two days ago I put our son to bed, like I do every night. I usually fall asleep in his room because our nights are long and our three year old still doesn't sleep through the night. Things were already tense because I had been asking my husband for more help mentally and physically. I feel like I'm living in a pressure cook.

29:33 SPEAKER_03: He brushed off the conversation, left the house to go to work or go for a walk, and told me he had a feeling something else was going on because I couldn't it couldn't just be stress causing me to feel this overwhelmed. While I was asleep in our son's room, my husband went through my phone. He said my phone looked too clean, so he decided to unlock and search through all of my deleted text messages. I woke up to him screaming at me and waving my phone in my face. The message he found was a text from a male co-worker three weeks earlier.

30:02 SPEAKER_03: It was an inappropriate joke that he had sent me. I deleted it immediately and honestly forgot it even existed. I've never had phone or s or a text conversation with this coworker, and I've barely spoken to him at work because he's still relatively new. I can't remember that particular morning events and why he would have asked me if I was okay. I have a lot going on so often sometimes I often I come into work a little late and disheveled. For full transparency and context, here is the message. Coworker, good morning, are you okay?

30:32 SPEAKER_03: Me sent a gif of someone crying dramatically in the shower. Coworker, you were squirting like crazy. Me, gross. Tell Todd he needs to wear Samantha Plants. Poor things. What? Oh, gross, tell Todd he needs to water Samantha Plant Samantha plants. Poor things are bone dry. Coworker, aw, sorry, thought you'd laugh. Me, Jordan was right here. Okay, I'm confused. Anyway, Samantha is out on medical leave and she has been on stuff for several months. She's working part-time from home, but likes to keep her large plants in our office.

31:05 SPEAKER_03: Okay, so she's gonna explain what the hell's going on here. Todd is an intern, so he gave Todd her plants and said, keep these alive. He's 20 years old and doing a terrible job. So when I water water the office plants, I tend to her plants, and one of the plants likes getting watered by being sprayed by a water bottle. It's a large palm, um, palm lake tree plant, so it has me spraying it a lot. I do that once I do that every other week and add water to the base of the pot once a week, so it gets water from the root up.

31:34 SPEAKER_03: These are these are her instructions. This might not be the proper way to water plants. This is just what I was told to do. The coworker's desk is right next to Todd's desk. There's a small divider in between, so he heard me spraying and watering the plants, so that's where the crude comment comes from. Okay, now it's not text. I was like, what is going on here?

31:57 SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I didn't like that he texted me that. I brought it up to him the next time, or I brought it up the next time I had lunch with Samantha. I said, Hey, look at what he sent me. Isn't that disgusting? And she goes, Yeah, that's disgusting. Guys are gross. I deleted the text and went on about my life. So, all that to say, here's the bombshell. My husband is 100% convinced I'm having an affair with my coworker. He told his co-workers and his boss that I'm having an affair and showed them the text message thread.

32:22 SPEAKER_03: He took a picture of it with his phone and showed him, showed them and his family. They all agree that it looks like I'm having an affair. The whole next day, he's fighting with me. I keep going to the bathroom, sobbing at work because I said there's nothing going on and I have nothing to hide. It was just a crude joke. He told me I need to tell HR if I wanted to save my marriage. I told him it's just a joke, and there's no reason that anyone needs to lose their job. So he gave me an ultimatum that I need to text my coworker and let him know that the text wasn't okay and to set a clear boundary with him, but that's not okay.

32:56 SPEAKER_03: Please don't involve that but oh my gosh. I need to text my coworker, let him know that the text wasn't okay, and to set a clear boundary with him, but that's not okay. That's how that's exactly what she typed. Anyway, it doesn't, it just doesn't flow right. Please not involve me in this language again. I did just that. Okay, so he demanded all the shit. She did it. And I'm and what? I'm he starts going in okay. Then he starts going through my call logs, sending me phone numbers, asking me to look them up on my phone and to screenshot who they belong to and send them to him.

33:31 SPEAKER_03: I did that. He keeps calling me a liar, threatening divorce, blaming this whole thing on me, and that he's lost. I just I didn't know it was gonna be this long, and that he's lost all my trust. He still wants me to go to HR for a paper trail in case my coworker tries what my husband says to sexually assault me again, physically in the workplace.

33:50 SPEAKER_02: Hey Bam, I'm telling you, I'm trying.

33:52 SPEAKER_03: I'm here to listen to scenarios. He says that I left the door open for my coworker. He also says I can't be alone with my son because he doesn't trust me, and that if I'm alone, my son, he's taking my car keys. If I have to take my son anywhere, I have to let him know about it beforehand. Text him when I leave, text him when I arrive, text him when I leave and arrive to come home. We've already we've already shared each other's locations and we already share each other's passwords, but now he wants my phone to be an open book to him whenever he chooses.

34:27 SPEAKER_03: I never reach out to my friends because I'm always protecting my husband's image. Oh this time I reached out to my friends. I asked them if I was wrong, and they said no. And they don't understand why my husband wants a divorce and has gone to this extent to tell his entire office, his boss, and his family that I'm cheating. He's even asked me to leave his house. He has me being interrogated all day. We both called off work. He's called off of his day shift and his night shift for both jobs. If I'm sleeping, he wakes me up and starts the interrogation all over again.

35:04 SPEAKER_03: He's done this probably six times now. I don't know what to do besides drop to my knees and cry. I just go along with whatever he wants to show him that I'm not cheating or having an affair and that these few texts are absolutely nothing. Edit to add, my work tried calling me a few times. It was a very busy day, and they needed my help or on something. I already let HR know that I was dealing with a family crisis and that I can't make it. And but my coworker still kept calling me. My husband wanted me to answer the phone because he believes I'm probably sleeping with that co-worker too.

35:37 SPEAKER_03: Oh my god. But what else or why else would they be calling me?

35:43 unknown: Oh my god.

35:46 SPEAKER_03: Okay. Yeah, well, listen, so many stories are crazy. This is a crazy story. I already let HR know that I was dealing with a family crisis, that I can't make it in, but my co-worker still kept calling me. My husband wanted me to answer the phone because he believes I'm probably sleeping with that coworker too. But what else or why else would they be calling me? He says he doesn't trust a single thing right now on it and right now and is super paranoid. I didn't answer and I yelled at him to stop calling me.

36:14 SPEAKER_03: They did it. Then they texted me and I asked Then they texted me asking for my passwords. I told them I was dealing with a family crisis, but if they needed anyone to contact my coworker, they apologized, but I'm worrying I'm worried that I'm gonna lose my job over this. Which, by the way, my husband is okay if I lose my job, even though I'm sure he is some months I pull in more than him, and we can't financially afford for me not to work.

36:39 SPEAKER_01: That's what's wrong with him. Okay.

36:41 SPEAKER_03: He also keeps showing people these messages, threatening to call my co-worker's wife, telling her that we're having an affair, and even pulling our neighbors into it. I begged him not to. He keeps saying everyone he's talked to tells him the same thing that I'm a cheater, I'm lying, and I can't be trusted. We don't live in a big town, so this is gonna go get out really quick. He says that his co-workers and boss are biased. Um he says his co-workers and boss are biased opinions, and every person agrees with him.

37:10 SPEAKER_03: And the only people that agree with me are my friends and family because I had to pull them in for emotional support. And then she says, Willing to answer questions if I didn't make myself clear, growing a fucking novel. Like okay, who's gonna go again? Who's gonna go? Three days ago. Okay, so back in case you forgot, because it was ages ago that I read this. It's a 32 male, 32 female. They've been together for doesn't want to be married, that's all they've been married for five years and together for seven.

37:45 SPEAKER_01: Listen, he doesn't want to be married, that's all that is. What else? What else, bam? Go ahead. He doesn't want to be married, and he doesn't want to pay child support or or well, he she makes more money than him, so he's he's insecure about that as well.

37:58 SPEAKER_02: Okay, also let's tag into that.

38:01 SPEAKER_01: And he right, she makes more money.

38:03 SPEAKER_02: The fact that he kicked her out of the house, right? Yeah, okay, and because he thinks she's stupid enough to leave. That's right. Right. And let's not forget that he's doing it over a petty thing that listen, the other guy don't even know this lady exists like that for real. Like it's not even a big deal. Again, just like the first story. I'm sorry, I don't want to say this, but it seems, and I'm maybe I'm wrong, he probably already got the next chicken line, and he's trying to clear the way. What?

38:28 SPEAKER_02: I saw that. Listen, I thought about that the third sentence, okay? He's trying to get her out so the next one could come in if he wants to.

38:36 SPEAKER_01: He's trying to he's trying to he's trying to beat her down so she could just say, forget it, I'll leave. Because that's what he wants her to do.

38:42 SPEAKER_02: And on the way out, he doesn't mind ruining her career, ruining her life. Nothing. Dude, leave quiet.

38:50 SPEAKER_02: Yes, dude, leave quiet. And and and if you can't take the house, take it. But if you can't, you ain't going to, sir. You crazy.

38:58 SPEAKER_01: But the thing is, the thing is, um some girl probably shook her tail too long to be um to be holding on to something. That's your if you're if that's your wife and you and you love her and you trust her, she said ain't shit going on. Why would you believe it? She's not exhibiting anything. She hasn't come in late, she's not doing any of that.

39:19 SPEAKER_03: The thing is, he's done it probably. He's probably done something. Far and deep he had to go into her phone to find anything even questionable to try to project probably what he's doing. Right, right. That's how I feel. I feel like something, I feel like something is. I hate to always like go to like, oh, they're probably cheating, but I'm sorry. Like, if you're out there projecting that, you're probably that's crazy to me.

39:42 SPEAKER_02: If you have to go so far back to dig, if you're trying to dig so hard like that, no.

39:47 SPEAKER_01: But who would think of that? That's not who would think people that actually think of going in somebody's phone and doing all that extra crap. That's too much people that do it. Oh, I've been there done that.

39:59 SPEAKER_02: Oh, yes. So so I mean, a short story. You can kick rocks. I ain't doing nothing.

40:04 SPEAKER_03: Becky's got a short story.

40:05 SPEAKER_02: A short story, and and it's it's really close and near and dear. It has nothing to do, it ain't me, but someone really close to me. Um, finally, after years, got with someone, and uh, the guy is just like this guy, like this guy. The guy is very techie, very techy. Um, he wooed her, got in. He could get into anything. This guy got into the camera system, into her laptop, into her phone, um, into her second phone that she got for the kids. I mean, this guy goes into everything, and and he went as far as four years back, they didn't even know of each other existing.

40:43 SPEAKER_02: And he's like, Oh, see, and he brings that up at least once a month when he wants to argue and stuff like that. And guess what happens after the argument? He goes, leaves the house for five hours, and then he comes back, and he still does it a little bit, but then the next day it's all good, and blah blah blah blah blah. It's a pattern, it's something I see everyone sees it, but we allow the person that is happening to because they're not leaving, and and you know, so we all just kind of when you've been with somebody that long.

41:10 SPEAKER_03: I mean, you have they've been together seven years. I mean, that's a long time. That's a big chunk of your life.

41:15 SPEAKER_02: You think you think that you're gonna be with them the rest of your life, yes, you know, but but the guy doesn't always think that way, and sometimes the girl doesn't always think that way. They they'll see someone that made a cute the guy, probably a younger chick probably at the office or something, told him he looked good one day and he took that and got happy as hell with it.

41:33 SPEAKER_01: But I don't understand how you what why did you initially go in her phone and go back that far? Because he needed a reason, he needed something. But the thing is, he he didn't find anything in between that that time and how far he went back. Only that one five message, and she said that's gross, stop, and there was no other thing after that.

41:54 SPEAKER_02: That wasn't enough for him, huh? That wasn't enough for him. He had to take that. That's all he had to work with. Yeah, yeah, that's all he had to work with, and to do the take the family along with it and everybody include every it's crazy, it's embarrassing. Girl, they're in their 30s.

42:08 SPEAKER_03: I mean uh some of that like 20s and security stuff should be gone, you know.

42:14 SPEAKER_01: But well, if he can leave out the house and be gone all night and come back and then okay, he is definitely have somebody else.

42:20 SPEAKER_03: Well, I don't know that she said that. Who knows? She wrote a a novel. I can't remember. Yeah. It's too bad.

42:27 SPEAKER_02: Because whenever something happens to you like that, you just go, you just fly off the handle talking.

42:31 SPEAKER_01: Just saying, yeah, listen, if that's what you think and if that's how you feel, I'm not gonna argue with you. If you want to go, go because I ain't going nowhere. You could sell this bitch, and both of us can go, but I'm not I'm not leaving because you got something in your brain that's false, number one. You got something in your brain that's not working that makes you accuse me of something that you have absolutely no proof for a dag on uh something that you broke into my phone to look for, and it took you a minute to look for it.

43:01 SPEAKER_01: Right. But you haven't seen anything before that. If that's the only one thing you're telling me, and it's been so long, and there's nothing else after that, so you have to use that. Are you kidding? Boy, why and girl, listen, remember my room.

43:13 SPEAKER_02: Remember, get out of the room. You went to great lengths to try to mess with your job and everything else. He even said leave the house. So this man, you need to pay attention to what men say when they're angry. Yeah, and you the girl started that with it. She started that was the name of whatever of the Reddit. She said he tried to ruin your life and your career. That right there alone. If a man is willing to do that, you can't trust him again. Yeah, because he wanted to end you, and and maybe we'll get a uh a part two.

43:43 SPEAKER_02: I hope we could find it at some point. That she was saying that she said, you know, I left.

43:48 SPEAKER_03: It's only three days ago. I know. Yeah, well, that's what I'm saying.

43:51 SPEAKER_01: She has to be looking up. She has to be look, she has to be looking. I hope she didn't do it on her phone because she's gonna find that too. But um She has to be looking at the messages. She has to be saying, girl, he's messing around. But shit. But the thing, the thing that she shouldn't do, don't go look for that. Don't go. Because he's gonna leave anyway. Because he's already in his mind, he's already gone. So he's just starting the broadcast and starting for now. He's trying to do his money thing.

44:18 SPEAKER_01: Okay. If I leave, then I'm gonna have to find a place. I'm gonna have to take down payments. I'm gonna have to do this. I'm gonna have to do that. Because I'm trying to impress this person.

44:25 SPEAKER_02: But if I rem do did she say they have kids or no?

44:28 SPEAKER_01: She has a grown kid. Oh, because they have a they have a three-year-old. Yeah. Oh man.

44:33 SPEAKER_02: Yeah.

44:34 SPEAKER_01: He doesn't want to pay child support.

44:35 SPEAKER_02: So it's gonna be. No, it's not even that. He wants out.

44:38 unknown: Yeah.

44:38 SPEAKER_02: You could the guy who definitely wants out to replace her. He wants to replace her with whoever he got. I'm I'm I'm hoping I'm wrong, people out there. But he wants to replace with whoever it's paying attention to him, giving him a little attention.

44:51 SPEAKER_01: Yeah. Um the especially trying to tell her the child has to be raised country and you have to stay home. No, I bet you she's gorgeous.

44:59 SPEAKER_03: And he's the top three comments agree with us. The first comment it has um 11,933 upvotes, and it says you should you should talk to a lawyer like yesterday, and there is no we anymore. The marriage is over. The next comment, um, 7,000 upvotes, says, This piece of shit, husband, is likely cheating on OP. It's a tale as old as time. When a partner takes something and twists it into the other person cheating with such animosity and conviction, um, it's usually because they're projecting their own infidelity.

45:32 SPEAKER_03: I live in the south, my sister lives in Brooklyn, and they're two completely different worlds. This dude's good old guy is showing up big time with his controlling behavior. Okay, so wait until the asshole is asleep and run with her three-year-old.

45:45 SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and once he said the house run. Once he talked about the house, that should tell you that should be a good thing.

45:53 SPEAKER_01: Because it you'll it'll be called abandon you abandon your home. Yeah, so don't run. Go run to a lawyer's office, right? And make sure you go to the police first to let them know that there's some something going on in the house, so you have a record of it. Whether they want that you can come check, you can do a welfare check if you like, and do it. Make sure you go to the police and let them know that he found this note. He went into my phone and it and it happened X amount of time ago. Tell someone crazy.

46:24 SPEAKER_01: So don't abandon your house because I know someone who did that. They left their house, and that person called a lawyer and said she abandoned the house and he got the entire house.

46:34 SPEAKER_02: Right, right. Yeah, don't make them comfortable. You're making it easy. You're gonna make it easy for him. You have a three-year-old with the guy, and it's your house too, because you have a three-year-old with the guy, and you have you have the baby in wedding. Oh, in blah blah, my my marriage. There you go. Marriage. You had the baby in marriage. Look at me, trying to. I I'm just getting it.

46:54 SPEAKER_01: No, I got you. But the thing that the thing that you're right about is that um the the main thing is she wants to be safe, so she has to have a record of it first to make sure that the cops know that something going on. That's why it said someone. Right, go to a lawyer. Because once you go to a lawyer and he did the lawyer says, I if you have somewhere to go, go, that's gonna stop the process of him trying to take the house and saying abandon it because she doesn't feel safe. So that's gonna stop him trying to sell it or move somebody in or whatever.

47:24 SPEAKER_01: He can't do that because once they once is all said and done, because he's threatening her, the judge likely is not gonna give the child to him. So I don't want to let him leave and her stay there, which to me is even more dangerous because after seven years, he probably knows how to get in and out of that mug. Yeah, for sure.

47:44 SPEAKER_02: And these these cases are being seen too much lately, like where men, you know, later on down the line, they get tired of the same woman and then they want to switch up like it's like it's a pair of shoes. Yeah, come on, yeah, yeah.

47:57 SPEAKER_03: We gotta put up with your ass too, sir. The next comment says indeed. So he's not abusing her. He's trying to cause uh, yes, indeed. So he's not abusing her, he's trying to cost her her job and her relationship with her child. He's also a controlling lunatic. OP, if you I hope you see all this. I'm sorry you're in this situation. I think you need to tell your employer what is happening so you can save your job. Right. Abusive people like your husband really like to alienate your friends and family and control you financially.

48:26 SPEAKER_03: He's well on the way there.

48:28 SPEAKER_01: Well, she makes more money than him, right?

48:29 SPEAKER_03: And that's why he wants to mess it up. That's why he wants to mess it up now because she's mentally checked out, right?

48:36 SPEAKER_02: He wants to mess it up and he knows that she makes more money. And also, he along the way thought that you know she's not gonna she's not gonna be brave enough to tell the the job, hey, listen, this is what's exactly happening. All she's telling them is I'm going through find uh some difficulties.

48:50 SPEAKER_01: No, tell your job, you know, because they can they can do something to help you, right?

48:57 SPEAKER_01: Whether you believe it or not, they can do something to help you.

49:00 SPEAKER_03: Um, one person says it honestly gives giving me family annihilator vibes. I'm scared for her. Yes, agreed. Okay, get the fuck out now, get a lawyer, like people suggest, and have a paper trail of him doing this. And then this person said this, which I totally forgot. She even talked about this because she rambled on for so long. But there was this person said that was my first thought. He wants her to stay, he wants her as a stay-at-home mom, no matter what it takes. Then he can control her finances and she gets around.

49:28 SPEAKER_03: I forgot that that she had talked about that. That yes, he wanted her to be a stay-at-home mom.

49:33 SPEAKER_01: And she does, she said she didn't she wasn't gonna do that, right?

49:36 SPEAKER_02: So, but I mean, I still think he's cheating, but I mean, maybe some of his motive is that I have a friend that again, I have a friend close by that also that happened to the guy who wanted her to after after she had the baby, he wanted her to be stay-at-home, blah, blah, blah. She had a great job, and he ended up getting her to stay at home after the pregnancy and everything. He left four months later after she quit. Yeah. And you can see that here in this pattern.

50:01 SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and um, like uh, I've seen a lot of stories about uh, you know, I've been a stay-at-home mom and and I worked, I actually ended up working from home so that I could contribute to. So I made it work, but um for that period of time that I was doing that. But I do know of a lot of stories I've read and seen of what what happens in some of these situations is it's another form of abuse because by becoming a stay-at-home mom, you become more isolated from the world and the normal routines of life, and then the more isolated you get, the more control they have over you.

50:35 SPEAKER_03: And then next thing you know, you've got no, you know, nobody to talk to, right? Nobody to fall back on, no money, you know. And so you get into the That wasn't my ass.

50:47 SPEAKER_02: He cornered you. Yeah, you're getting cornered.

50:49 SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I was a stay-at-home wife with the kids when they were younger, and I'm telling you right now, there's no I didn't give a damn. I was in my 20s at the time. You ain't controlling me. I'm no sir. I'm gonna make sure your house is a home. I'm not, I'm still gonna have my friends, I'm still gonna have my family, I'm still gonna do all of that stuff. And and I had money prior to coming into into this, but I decided that yes, I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. This was good for the kids, it was good for all of us, but I don't he wasn't controlling, he wasn't controlling, so I didn't really have any any of that kind of stuff to to worry about.

51:23 SPEAKER_02: Ladies, ladies out there, PSA, no matter how great he is, no matter what, always have your own. Uh, if he wants you to be a tad, what is it, uh a trad wife. Okay, great, but you still have to make something because you never know. The people, men or women, could flip any day, and you don't have any security. Yeah, there was a case of a woman that was a home stay-at-home mom for 14 years. The guy decided on year 15 that he was done. He wanted a whole new fresh start, even though he had three kids and the wife that stayed at home.

51:54 SPEAKER_02: The wife had no job skills, none.

51:57 SPEAKER_03: The other thing is like, even if she had skills, maybe she left a job like this lady may, you know, she's talking about how she's the she makes more money and everything. Well, maybe she leaves the job. Not probably no, she stays home for 10 or 15 years. Well, companies don't like to hire somebody who has a doesn't have uh a work history for 10 years or 15 years.

52:17 SPEAKER_01: That's what happened to the girl. Yeah, yeah, I feel like this bullshit. Yeah, and the thing is if if I'm okay with being a uh a stay-at-home wife, I'm gonna give you a time frame. When this child starts school, I'm going back to and while they're at while I'm home, if I if I can further my education, I'm gonna do that because you come home from work. When you come home from work, I'll go to night school. I'll take two or three classes a week, go to school, and then I because I can do this, I can do all of this.

52:43 SPEAKER_01: So by the time it's time for me to go back to work, I have I have that skill that I had and a and a higher skill set because I'm going back to school for the same thing.

52:51 SPEAKER_02: Listen, I took a break of a few months when I had my kid. I went to nursing school and I got right back to work. I did a part-time overnight, and then the next day I was up after overnight. I slept a few hours and I was up, taking the kids to school, doing everything, and then doing no, because I I don't do that. There's no me neither.

53:11 SPEAKER_03: No, I was just saying, not everybody has that same mentality, and like some of these spouses that not like you said, it's not just guys, some of these spouses are master manipulators at like ticking away at your self-esteem and your self-worth and your support group and everybody around you like ticking it away slowly, slowly, slowly until the next thing you know it's gone. Yes, and you think yourself, right? You think you got nobody to fall back on. Where I mean, honestly, if you have a good support network, they already saw it happening, yes, right?

53:45 SPEAKER_03: Yes, even if they let you go, get you away, even if they let you know.

53:49 SPEAKER_02: And another thing, ladies, yeah, um, never never um like distance yourself to please the guy or vice versa, because that's actually what they want. They want that, and and sometimes sadly, family and friends get tired of trying to pursue you and they actually leave you, which is sad. Which that's the time when they need to embrace you more because something is happening.

54:12 SPEAKER_01: So I feel like if a man or a woman, vice versa, if they're trying to keep you away from having friends and family, then something's wrong. Period. There's something wrong. Why you gotta go hang out with her? Because I've known her for 30 years before you came along. I've known her longer than I've known you, and I'm not really asking you, I'm telling you that we're going to go back, we'll be back.

54:34 SPEAKER_03: Sometimes it's not even like that. Sometimes it's like, well, they let you go out, let you, they let you go out and then you come back and you get like the cold shoulder. I know, and then you feel bad enough. So then, like gradually, like you shoulder then. You take yourself out, yeah. You can be pleased, like you don't want to deal with the bullshit at home, you know. Because on the flip side, when they're good to you, they're extra good to you, right? So then you think it's kind of yeah, yeah, it twists up, it twists you up in your head because I've I've been in that situation before.

55:04 SPEAKER_03: So, you know, not where I've been pulled away.

55:09 SPEAKER_01: You can kiss my ass. Oh, I'll sleep on the couch or the guest room, but you're not telling me I can't do something. There's no such thing. I have parents for that, and I don't you're not my parent. I'm not gonna tell you you can't do something, and I'm not calling you every five minutes to see where the hell you are. Right. At this time, if you're not here by dinner time, get plates in the refrigerator, heat the shit up yourself when you get home. It's made, uh cooked. There you go. Yeah, you might spend the door, and I might have been home all day long.

55:34 SPEAKER_01: You might have walked in the door and I'm tired, but I need to do something, and I'm like, I'm going to the store, be back. Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute. Yeah, your children, but they're already in the they've already bathed, they're already bed and they're asleep. Watch your goddamn children.

55:46 SPEAKER_03: But you're talking about semi-normal people too, right? Or even normal people, like there's some crazy MOs out there, you know. Yes, yes, and uh you know, motherfuckers out there, and uh they'll fucking kill you. Yes, you know, like sometimes you gotta play the game so you can get out quietly. You gotta, yeah. Agreed, agreed, agreed. I mean, this guy already sounds I'm not saying that he's gonna do this to her, but no, to be that controlling, trying to say, I want to know when you're coming, when you're going, who you're talking to, blah blah blah.

56:16 SPEAKER_03: Like all that is your marriage, like the first comment, your marriage is over.

56:19 SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's that's another job in itself. It's crazy. It shouldn't be this love is not hard, it's easy, it shouldn't be it's not controlling, it's not it shouldn't be work. Yeah, it shouldn't be not at all. Once it starts being an extra whatever, then you know it's it's a rap.

56:35 SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yep, absolutely. I agree. Once it starts being like entirely too much, it's a wrap. Because who like who really wants to deal with someone? You can't go go out and laugh and joke and have fun with the friends, your friends, and come back and you gotta listen to some bullshit. Like, you just ruined my I had such a great time. You just ruined my debate.

56:57 SPEAKER_02: And they love doing that too. A lot of guys love doing that, stealing the joy. They see that you have me excited and all that, and boom, they take that. It's like, how dare you! So, ladies, please, please see the flags, see the everything. Um, again, just like the last one. Uh, there's signs, and and please, the the earlier the better.

57:15 SPEAKER_01: I'm not gonna say the person's name that I was dating, but make you know that person was definitely a red flag.

57:22 SPEAKER_03: I save that one so maybe we can check up on it and revisit it later and see what's going on. But I'm gonna I was gonna say like we'll just do two tonight because that was such a long one, but here's a short one, and it kind of sounds stupid. Reading I just reading the headline, so I figure we'll just do this one. I think it'll be kind of quick. It's kind of quirky. My 23-year-old female boyfriend, 26-year-old male, won't let me hang up my framed IUD in the bathroom.

57:52 SPEAKER_03: Told you. Uh my 23 I'm 23-year-old female, my boyfriend, 26-year-old male of three years doesn't want me to hang up my framed IUD in the bathroom. I got my IUD replaced today, and I asked my doctor if I can keep the one she is removing as a memento. This was my first IUD ever, and I was easily and was easily the most physically painful experience I've ever had. I've seen a couple of women keep their IUD and other medical devices as a way to feel proud of what they've done, but also as some fun keeps saying you're priceless.

58:27 SPEAKER_03: Now that I've gone through a second insertion and have my original IUD in my possession, I think it would be fun and silly to make a mini frame and hang it up in our bathroom. We don't have any roommates, it's just us two. He thinks it's weird for me to hang it up instead of keeping it tucked away, but I don't think it's that big of a deal. Is if anything, it's a reminder of that women have to go of of what women have to go through for pregnancy prevention. It's like a trophy to me. Is it listening right?

58:59 SPEAKER_03: Your boyfriend's right.

59:01 SPEAKER_01: Um I mean, put it in your closet on your side.

59:03 SPEAKER_02: Well, your boyfriend is correct. Yeah, I've got to be right. You are very weird, ma'am. That's weird shit. He loves your weird self. So there's that.

59:13 SPEAKER_01: We know you probably cleaned it and all that old nonsense bullshit, but some things are just fucking stupid. Like that's just put it in your drawer. Yeah. So every time you open it, you see it. Listen, we all went through that and it's not a tough. Do you think he wants to screw you after he's looking at that crap? You think he him, he might be rock hard and then he saw that like done.

59:37 SPEAKER_02: Listen, I'm sorry. How old is how old are these people I can't?

59:42 SPEAKER_03: 23-year-old female and 26-year-old male.

59:44 SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, exactly. He's probably saying, Oh, I'm never gonna do you again. Girl, no, that ain't it. It's not what you think it is, honey. That's a kidjoy. Are you kidding me? That's a kid, that's like somebody taking that panty. And here's another thing. Why does he want kids? Yeah, but he doesn't, he knows she has it. So I mean it's not that's a procedure, but it's not a good yeah, that's true.

1:00:03 SPEAKER_02: It's a funny one.

1:00:03 SPEAKER_01: Well, he knows she has it, but why do I have to look at it every day? Like, come on, dude.

1:00:08 SPEAKER_02: Girl, be happy by yourself, go have a drink because he did it and call it a dick.

1:00:13 SPEAKER_01: Well, I said if you want to keep the old shit like that, if you got your own closet, put it in your closet on the wall. Why does he have to look at it? That's just nasty.

1:00:21 SPEAKER_02: I I just I I don't say hey, everybody's excited about something. This ain't it for me, I guess.

1:00:26 SPEAKER_01: No, mm-mm. No, get happy if I make money, I'll be happy if I freaking I don't know. Not not that. I would threw them sucking in the garbage. You ain't looking. It's in the garb. Oh, excuse me. I didn't know you wanted that. The mirror broke, everything broke. I'm sorry.

1:00:40 SPEAKER_03: Comments. Um, let's see. I'm interested in this one. Freaking this was this was from six days ago. Uh, this person says, I get it, and I think it's funny, but a shared living space is just that, and you should avoid any decoration that either of you is strongly against. Doesn't seem like the hill to die on. This person says, I know a woman who has her uterus in a jar on display after her directed me. And I had mine. I just asked for pictures of it. This didn't you take them?

1:01:11 SPEAKER_02: Well, are you serious?

1:01:13 SPEAKER_01: You gotta be kidding me. What why? I don't know. Have you ever been to the Odyssey?

1:01:20 SPEAKER_02: People out there that are listening, our listeners. What do you guys save? And what do you guys uh tell them?

1:01:30 SPEAKER_03: I'll have to think on this one.

1:01:31 SPEAKER_01: And I mean, I've too because I've seen a person that hang up the umbilical cord of someone of the baby cord. I mean, but that's kind of like I I know that people do that, that's kind of gross too, but they I know that people do do that. Um hang it up. If I'm gonna keep it, I wouldn't hang it up. No, you put it in the baby book. Okay, it it's in the baby book, but it ain't hung up.

1:01:50 SPEAKER_02: Yeah, something normal, you know.

1:01:52 SPEAKER_01: You're talking about the penis snip.

1:01:54 SPEAKER_03: No, that's umbilical cord, the little plant that they put on there falls off. Let's see.

1:02:00 SPEAKER_02: We need to make a story about Pam.

1:02:01 SPEAKER_03: And well, I don't have a penis, so yeah. But this erectomy sub is full of people that would love this and some and have some that have some of this. I have pics, posted them too, because yeah, I had that thing inside me. I asked my boyfriend what he he'd think if I kept it and displayed it, he did not care. OPs is a two-inch piece of plastic and it's an argument worthy wild. Let's see. Haha, my pictures were what does that give you? I didn't even know this was a thing. Yeah. This person says I have photy photos of my ovaries, lol.

1:02:37 SPEAKER_03: I don't whip them out constantly, but anytime somebody says something that tells me I'm good, I love to share them around. They're so fascinating. To OP, I'd say it's weird, yes, but also totally what I would do if I had thought of it. Honestly, kind of wish I'd save that IUD that failed. I could have an amazing art piece around it, lol. But yeah, living with another person does mean a lot of stuff becomes a to yes situation, and that probably does include this. Have a good talk about why he's uncomfortable with it, maybe, and if he sees there's room for compromise of some kind.

1:03:11 SPEAKER_03: So easy.

1:03:13 SPEAKER_01: I mean, like serious, like come up.

1:03:18 SPEAKER_03: I get the joke, but framing the actual medical device that was previously in your gina feels gross, yeah. Sounds and then it says edit. Does the fact that the IUD travels through the gina and sits in the uterus make me want to see it hanging on the wall?

1:03:34 SPEAKER_02: No, like I think that's a reminder to herself, but um no, put it as your screensaver if it's a reminder.

1:03:43 SPEAKER_01: Yeah, there you go. That makes sense. That makes sense. In your phone, there you go.

1:03:48 SPEAKER_03: We fixed her um remedy to the situation. There you go. And then he won't go through your phone, right? No, because he doesn't want to see that, right? Exactly. Ugh. Just to kind of wrap it all up.

1:04:01 SPEAKER_00: Yeah, wrap it up.

1:04:03 SPEAKER_03: We fixed it. There you go. Solution. Look at that. Distracted diva solving the world's problems today. I can't even think about that. Yeah. I saw that, I was like, oh my god, I have to read that. They're gonna love this one. Your faces when I was reading it was priceless. So make sure you pull us up on YouTube and watch this video of this podcast today because their faces, when I read that I read it laughing. Hilarious. You're gonna have to watch it so you can see your own faces.

1:04:32 SPEAKER_01: Yes, for real.

1:04:33 SPEAKER_02: Yes, it's absolutely thanks for joining us again today for another episode, and we'll catch you on the next one.

1:04:41 SPEAKER_01: Please like, follow, and share and comment. Um distracted divas. Yes, chill vibes always.

1:04:51 SPEAKER_03: Yes, and if you're in a shitty relationship, get the fuck out today. Ow. Look, out, yes. Peace out. Bye, divas. Bye.